Good Boys

in response to So many pure saints... Only sometimes I, as a male, may ask: what about some patron saint of "male" chastity? I mean, I do take St Cecilia, St Maria Goretti, et al. as patrons for my own purity... But sometimes I would like an example of my same gender. May I think in the great St. Joseph. Any other ideas?,

Of course St. Joseph is a fine idea. He comes with aspirin and tools. What man doesn't need those things?

But there are others. There is St. Aloysius.  He wouldn't even look at girls. Even his mother. Not that you shouldn't be polite, shake hands and look people in the eye, and girls are people, but St. Aloyisus wished to avoid any temptation. I hope that was the reason. Because if it wasn't, he had very bad manners. He took a vow of chastity, much like our female patrons of purity. He was 9 years old. After he died three of his sister founded a religious order called "Noble Virgins of Jesus".  They were noblewomen, so I don't know if they meant for the order to be for noblewomen or they were just calling their order noble.  I suppose it works either way. The order is still around. It has two members left.

That was last year. Maybe they're gone by now. So there is a whole pile of purity there for you.

And St. Thomas Aquinas.  His parents were thrilled that he would follow the family plan of joining the priesthood. With the Benedictine order.

But Thomas wanted to become a Dominican (they were relatively new to the scene). His family kept him prisoner, locked up in the family castles for two years. At one point his brothers sent a prostitute to seduce him and Thomas drove her away with a fire iron.

I've never been able to fathom how sending a prostitute would have helped Thomas be a Benedictine and not a Dominican, since that was the issue. They wanted him to be a priest. I don't get it. Is there something I don't know about the Benedictines?

I jest.

I'm sure our readers will have a few  ideas for you! They always do.

Atheist Heaven

My apologies for my absence. Our internet connection died and went to heaven from whence it came, for surely the internet is heaven sent.

I jest.  But we've had quite a time lately discussing the Pope's recent statements. Leave it to a new Pope to say things. He's been very busy saying things. He actually gives a pep talk every day. Of course, since this is the Catholic Church we don't call them pep talks. We call them "fervorinos", which is Latin for "Sermonette".  A little sermon. A pep talk.

So the Pope got very enthusiastic about the idea that Jesus came to us with love and redemption for everyone.  He excitedly reiterated the "everyone" part saying, "even, atheists".

That led everyone to go viral with the news that the Pope said atheists will get to go to Heaven, with my internet connection device.

But the Pope did not say that atheists will go to Heaven. He said that  "Jesus has redeemed all of us." Which is true.  

It was a sermonette, though, so Pope Francis didn't clarify that, because we have free will, we have to choose redemption. You are not redeemed if you do not accept God's gift. Like any gift, if you don't sign for it when it's delivered, the UPS man takes it away. It isn't gone. It sits at the UPS store until you come and sign for it. You could always go get it. That's what the Pope meant. God's gift is waiting at the UPS store, even if you're an atheist.

There is no controversy or problem with the Pope's statement. But I do wonder why he choose to crack this particular theological egg open in this format where a further explanation is necessary.

Because this particular theology is some extra heavy lifting. It's at the heart of why the separated brethren are separated. Redemption vs. good works.  Some pundits went so far as to extrapolate that what the Pope meant was the if a atheist was a good person who did good works that that was good enough to get your Heaven ticket punched.

I have to think that the Pope was tickled to kick the hornets nest. It causes our heads to rise, our ears to open and the next thing we know we're all talking about Truth.  

I can't wait to see how he peps us up next.

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

The list of how not to name your baby grows ever longer. The newest entry for your consideration is to also consider what you have named other children and make sure the new baby's name does not rhyme with the old baby's name so you don't find yourself introducing your children someday by saying, "This is Huey and Louie, Kimmy and Timmy."

I think it deserves a place on the list.

Meanwhile this website came across my eyeballs. Not only are the name suggestions kind of hard to take (for me, because there isn't one saint in there), but the comments section made me want to remove my head and set it in my lap for a while. The names are to your right and if you click on the picture it takes you to the next pretend name. Enjoy. Or cringe.

The picture of that cuter than cute little girl in a tutu reminded me of another article I read recently that I found rather surprising and wonderful. And wonderfully surprising.

I plead guilty.  But I also agree. Although the author needs to put some clothes on.

Since I've given you a lot to digest, I'll leave you to discuss.

Also, we have a lot to discuss about what the new Pope has had to say. Maybe we'll pay him and his pronouncements a visit next week.

Rules for Naming the Baby

Our wonderful readers have expanded our "How to Name the Baby" guidelines. Besides my rules of thumb the list has grown. Now it looks like this:

1. Mary if it's a girl. John or Joseph for a boy. Or pick a good patron saint.

2.  Consider how the name will be shortened or what the kid may end up being nicknamed.

3. Avoid telling people the names you are considering. Their reactions may upset you.

4. Try to avoid this year's "name of the year".  This may involve ESP.  Or at least a google search.

5.. After you pick the name (and the middle name), check and see if that spells something silly,
embarrassing or filthy.  Lawrence Oliver Lynnly.

6. If you're having twins, and one is a girl and one is a boy, don't name them Mary and Joseph. As another rule of thumb, don't name your twins after any famous couple. Little Lucy and Desi will be a lifelong joke. I'm assuming no one would name triplets, "Larry, Moe and Shemp".

And here's a really good one I never thought of:

7. How does the name look on a resume? If you're Catholic, you don't want all those kids living at home all their (and your) lives.

Some of our readers disagreed with my feeling that your should have a couple of names in mind and wait to actually name the baby until you've actually seen the baby. You name pets after you've seen them, not before, and your child should get at least that consideration. But at least one reader pointed out that babies all tend to look like Winston Churchill.  Or angels.

Yes, it's a lot to think about. But so is having a child. Good practice for the rest of your natural life.

Re Cycled Saints

Who would be the patron saint of recycling or "up-cycling?" Also who is the patron saint of thrift stores (other than the saint my thrift store is named after?) For the record, St. Louise Thrift Store is my work place, and St. Louise is really great at interceding for us, our volunteers and customers. Sometimes too much. But thank-you, St. Louise! (I don't need any more tupperware right now.)

St. Louise, the one who went off to the crusades? There are several St. Louises.

The person who springs to mind is St. Francis of Assisi. He and his brothers just begged for everything they had and had to repair and reuse whatever they had. St. Francis began his career as a begging brother by trading clothes--the fancy clothes he was wearing at the moment--with a beggar on the road. Francis' father, who was a wealthy cloth merchant, was super aggravated with this wacky move. When Frances came home in his beggar get up, his father ordered him to remove it at once. 

Which the ever obedient Francis did. He walked off naked into the sunset. Which means he had to go beg up some other clothes.  And blankets and pots and pans and whatever else he needed at any given moment.

He probably couldn't have used some tupperware.

I would also consider St. John of God, who begged up a whole hospital, from the building itself to every mattress and bedpan.

What is the best way to choose a name/patron saint for your unborn child? I suppose there is a better way than just choosing the name you like best! Do you have any thoughts, Sister?

If the name you like best is Blotsnefad, yes, there would be a better way. Of course I have thoughts!

1. If it's a girl, Mary.  You can't do better than that.

2. If it's a boy, we like Joseph and John, but go for a great patron saint name.

3. If there's no saint with the name you like, find a new one.

4. Consider what happens to the name when it's shortened.  You might love the name Nathaniel, but everyone is going to call that kid "Nat".  That's great for Nat King Cole. But for the rest of us, it sounds like a pesky bug.  You don't want your kid to go through life with the name of a pesky bug.

I've always felt like you should have a few names in mind and then take a look at that kid before you pick one.  You don't think, "I' m going to get a dog and name it Rex!"  You get the dog and take a look at it and choose a name. Why would you do less for your kid? But that's just me.

I also advise against telling anyone any names you are considering because there will always be someone who doesn't like that name for reasons only they can fathom, but the distaste shows ever so briefly in their eyes and you will feel weird and second guess yourself and flounder into calling the kid "Blotsnefad". Keep your names to yourself. Everyone will coo over the baby no matter what horrible name you've chosen.

Of course, you won't choose a horrible name. It's a girl and you'll call her Mary.

A Couple of Tough Cookies

My sister is looking for a patron saint for a girl who is outdoorsy and athletic. I can't think of any - can you help? Thanks!

You can't think of any? 

I can't say I blame you. The list of girls who became saints is as long as everyone's arms sewn together. It would take you days to check out what every single person did. Weeks, maybe.

That's why I'm here! And I'm happy to help.

But I can't think of anyone more outdoorsy and athletic than St. Joan of Arc. To begin with, she was peasant girl.  They didn't have grocery stores and washing machines. They didn't have sewing machines or refrigerators. From dawn til duck, a peasant would be growing and making food, repair broken things, feeding animals and building fires.

So right out of the gate, St. Joan is no couch potato.

But then, she receives visions and hears the voices of saints and Michael the Archangel telling her to mount up and lead the French Army. She did that. And she fought in battles and was shot with an arrow. When she miraculously survived, she impressed the helmets off her soldiers.

I would call that athletic and outdoorsy, wouldn't you?  I'll bet she spent an enormous amount of time camping.

I read with great interest your article on Venerable Matt Talbot. At least I think he is a Venerable. I see you have him as a "Blessed" which means he did one miracle after his death. What was that miracle? He needs two to become a Saint. Nevertheless, I am looking for the official website for the Cause of the Cannonization of Ven. Matt Talbot. I have had no luck in finding such. Can anyone help?

Oops. My bad. He is indeed Venerable. No miracles for him just yet.  But yes, I think I can head you in the right direction.  Got there and type "Matt Talbot" in the search bar. From there the links will take you in circles.

But don't despair! There is an address. So you can write. You can also follow all the links. You haven't mentioned why you're trying to track it down. Do you have a Matt Talbot miracle to report?

I hope so! The last attempt was rejected by the Vatican as a miracle. I don't know what it was, so obviously, I don't know why it wasn't a miracle. 

Meanwhile here is a great rundown of everything you need to know about saint making:

http://www.usccb.org/upload/making-saints.pdf

Oh, My Aching Back

Back pain? Who is the patron saint for back pain?

St. Gemma!

We know that patron saints are people who have suffered from or dealt with the same problems we have (or thereabouts, or in a round about way).  And some saints pull double duty from not only suffering from what ails us, but from having been miraculously cured from said suffering as well.
St. Peregrine springs to mind (cancer). And the Opus Dei fellow. St. Jose Marie Escriva (diabetes).

And St. Gemma.  I'll let you head over and read her story.

Don't you think she might be a bit of a package deal? What with St. Margaret Mary and St. Gabriel being sort of pals of hers?

By the way, separated brethren who don't believe people in Heaven pay us any mind, we have lots of incidences where people from Heaven visit people on earth and pray with them or otherwise guide them. Surely you've heard of St. Joan of Arc?  She didn't just wake up one day and think, "Hey! I know! I'll head an army and save France! Right after I milk the cow!" No.  She heard the voices of St. Michael, St. Catherine and St. Margaret. Not to be confused with Margaret Mary. Joan's St. Margaret was St. Margaret of Antioch, who is the patron saint of peasants.

Poor St. Margaret was yet another beautiful girl who, after pledging herself to Our Lord, was tortured and beheaded. Legend has it she was swallowed by a dragon. That's the dragon there in her picture, munching on part of her dress, as far as I can tell. What actually happened was that Satan tempted her and showed up in the form of a dragon.

And then snacked on her dress.

And of course, should you be swallowed by a dragon, you'll know which patron saint to call upon.