About Me

My photo
Life is tough. Nuns are tougher.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Secrets of Nuns Revealed














I don't get very far in the newspaper
on any given day. I start with the obituaries, as I have mentioned, then I read the editorial section, which gives me a pretty good overview of what's going on. Then I start in with the front page to we know what to pray for. I never have to read very far for that!

So it's unusual that I would get deep enough into the newspaper to stumble across the story of how some scientists took a bunch of college students and blinded folded them and muffed their ears, then put down a scent of chocolate something or another and made them get down on all fours and track the scent like a bunch of bloodhounds. Turns out, they were very good at it. Very good indeed. No one failed, even when the course zig zagged or split. Turns out the students all used the same technique a bloodhound does, moving their heads back and forth across the scent path. (Their ears and the folds of their faces did not help them. Maybe when they get older. You know your ears keep growing. Some of you know all about the folds.)

I would have liked to have seen that!

The scientists came to the conclusion that if people have to use their noses like a bloodhound they can. They need both nostrils to do it. If one is blocked up, people can't find a bird in a barrel. Nothing tastes good either, if you can't smell it. The test subjects couldn't tell beef from chicken. Everything didn't even taste like chicken. Finally!

This information might come in handy if you have a wedding to pay for. If you can just think of a way to block the guests noses before the reception, you could save a bundle serving up hash shaped like fillet mignon. No one would be the wiser.

I wish someone had a video tape of those students tracking the scent through the weeds on all fours! Boy, would I love to see that!

Don't start complaining about scientific research and the money that is wasted! The Army paid for it. They want to figure out how the nose works so they can make a robot nose to sniff out land mines. At least that's what they said. Who knows what they want to sniff out, really?

By the way, the bloodhound was invented by St. Hubert, that patron saint of hunters and metalworkers. St. Hubert was an avid hunter. One day while hunting he heard a voice tell him hunting was a big fat waste of time when there were souls to be saved. A deer appeared in the woods with a crucifix between it's antlers. St. Hubert took the message seriously. He was especially good at talking pagans into melting down their idols, which is why he is the patron saint of metal workers. And some where in there he invented bloodhounds, who are especially good at tracking because they store scents in the folds of their faces, giving peach faced college students a run for their money.

You should personally be happy about this research because it will answer an age old question about how Sister knew you were talking even though her back was turned.

8 comments:

Jan B said...

I thought God invented all the dogs! I have a collie who is completely worthless as a tracker, fetcher, bringer of shoes or newspapers, but he sure is a love. I think that God sure did right when he made dogs for us to love. Except those dogs who chew toes off of babies.

Sister Mary Martha said...

Jan, God did invent dogs, and people invented breeds. St. Hubert invented the bloodhound where in France they are still called St. Hubert's Hounds.

Carolina Cannonball said...

you will probably think I am crazy, but I can smell when people are sick... not saying sick people stink. I just have a very sensitive nose.

Sister Mary Martha said...

I don't think you are crazy, Miss Cannonball. Dogs can do that. I think that when they say dogs can smell fear, that is literal...they smell the chemical changes in the body. Cancer wards smell funny because of chemical changes in the body. Now there are cancer sniffing dogs.

Are you blindfolded, ear muffed and on all fours?

Kathleen said...

When I think of St. Hubert, I like to think of the irony that the syrupy apertif, Jagermeister, was named in his honor.

The label has a picture of a deer with a cross between his antlers, which is how I found out about St. Hubert in the first place.

Even thought it was originally developed as a health tonic, I'm fairly certain St. Hubert doesn't approve of the behavior that takes place under its influence these days.

Drew said...

After the pagans melted down their Buddha statuettes and other pagan ornaments I wonder what St. Hubert made out of the molten metal... maybe a nice service for twelve...

peace
Br Drew

Anonymous said...

Maybe those college students can use their sense of smell to track down "Clockie," the alarm clock invented last year by students at MIT. The clock is programmed to roll off a night table and hide (yes, hide) until the owner/wake-ee gets up and finds it to turn it off.

Your posts are very funny, young lady.

Anonymous said...

That's my dog!! I was searching on the internet and stumbled upon it.