Keep, Give Away, Throw Away

Is there a patron saint for the disorganized? Our parish could use some help lately. (Just don't send Sister Nicholas.)

Who said St. Nicholas was organized? Do not confuse organization with busyness. I'm sure it's a common error. If St. Nicholas were organized, I would be able to find my shoes. My own shoes.

I'm glad you mentioned that it was your whole parish that lacked organization and not you in your home. Because if it were your home, I would recommend St. Zita. Although she was a lowly maid, she never missed Mass or her appointments with the oven for bread making. This is back in the day when you had to do every single thing yourself. Those dirty clothes did not have a machine that washed and dried them for you. You had to make the soap to wash them yourself, no less. The bread was not lined up on shelves in keep fresh plastic. The beans and tomatoes and green peppers and peas were out on the vine. If canning had been invented by that time (the principle of canning was discovered during Napoleon's time according to that guy who had that show "Connections" a while back), you would have had to go pick the beans, tomatoes, green peppers and peas and then can them yourself.

St. Zita didn't have a screen door to help keep the dust down, She didn't have a Mr. Clean Eraser. If she had had a Mr. Clean Eraser, I'm sure people would have mistaken it's amazing properties for another of St. Zita's miracles. Have you used one of those things? Miraculous. I do not use that word lightly, believe you me. If your parish has black marks on the walls, get yourself a Mr. Clean Eraser and call it a day.

You'd want St. Zita, also, because she had a 'shoemaker and the elves' experience with all that housework and bread baking. She was about to get raked over the coals by her boss for having gotten up early and gone to Mass instead of doing her chores and duties, when it was discovered that the elves had done it all for her.

Not elves. We don't believe in elves.

Angels, no doubt.

But for a whole parish, hmmmm.....

Now, is the parish messy? For example, is the disorganization due to a lack of proper filing. The "in" and "out" boxes are not clearly marked?

For that type of thing, I'd go with one our great clerical types. Maybe St. Benedict. He was so strict with his organizational skills that some of the other brothers tried to poison him. Although underlings everywhere understand their pain, St. Benedict prevailed.

But if the whole parish is just in a bad state and really needs a good shaking up: St. Joan of Arc. A peasant girl who talked to God about what had to be done and then went and did it. Honestly, can you imagine being a French soldier sitting around in your own stench with your bow and arrows, back before anyone even invented canned peas, and having some little girl tell you, "Hey, fella, I'm the General now, and here's the plan we're following"?

She must have been one very compelling young lady.

Plus, those soldiers all kept their hands to themselves. My uncle Joseph often talks, very happily, about being a soldier in WWII in France and what a wonderful time he had while not in combat. So here is Joan, this young girl, the ONLY girl in sight no less, and all of those soldiers, even people like my Uncle Joseph, left her be. Remarkable.

If Joan of Arc can't whip people into shape, I don't know who can.

Tomorrow, I have to tell you about the bizarre irony of Sister Nicholas' favorite dish.