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Life is tough. Nuns are tougher.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Back from the Dead. Literally.

I can't believe so much time has passed. It's seems like years since I've visited you all. It also seems like yesterday. I'm glad at least you could comb through some of our old posts for Lenten guidance. Heaven knows we've been prolific on the subject through our years here.

It's just the two of us now, Sister St. Aloysuis and I. Sister Mary Fiacre has gone to Jesus.

One never knows how one is going to react to the death of a loved one, a sister, a Sister, a person for whom we cared intimately. She seemed to be our reason for living for such a long time, our schedule was built around her for many years now. What we ate or didn't eat, fashioned to interest her appetite. Whether we were awake or asleep, depended on her. And finally, we slept with one eye open for many weeks.

I had an idea of how I would react. That feeling of emptiness when the person is no longer there to take up every waking thought. The sweet preciousness of caring for someone who needs so much care. At first there was a sense of relief, since we spent so much time on high alert, lest she be in distress. And then that hole that is left in your world.

But I didn't expect this.

I'm jealous.  Jealous!  She's in Heaven! Or at least in Purgatory, where Heaven is guaranteed!

I find myself saying things that jealous people say. "I'm happy for her!" That sort of thing. I'm not lying. I do feel that way. But always with that tinge of jealousy for what she now has and I do not.

Jealousy is, of course, a sin. It doesn't feel sinful. I'd better beware.

There is so much to do after a person goes, that you don't really think about. Forms to fill out, things to mail and places and people to call, arrangements to be made. So that's why we haven't been visiting with you here.

Our little household is up in the air a bit. We're not sure yet whether someone new will join us or we will have to move ourselves, or whether things will just stay the same.

Well...not the same.

And here we are in Holy Week! It will seem so strange to get the church ready without Sister Mary Fiacre standing by...sitting by...in her wheelchair. Packing her snacks. Just the other day we realized when we went to the clinic that we could park far away! We always had to park as close as possible to the doors. No longer.

We're packing up the Murphy's Oil Soap. And just us two.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your honesty, dear Sister M. I'm so blessed by all your thoughts and observations.

Christ is Risen!

Robert.

Jacqueline T. Lynch said...

Condolences on your loss.

Anonymous said...

Eternal rest grant unto her O Lord and let perpetual light shine upon her, may she rest in peace, Amen.

May God give you His grace to get through your grief.

Anonymous said...

I grieve with you on your loss, yet as you point out, she is assured of Heaven. So my grief for you is also happiness for her.

Bright Blessings,

A faithful reader

Ray Ward said...

I am sorry to read of your loss. You know, I have always thought that, when a member of a religious order dies, the newspaper obituaries fail to acknowledge the decedent's brothers or sisters in his or her community. Sister Mary Fiacre's obituary should say (or should have said) that she is survived by her sisters in community, Sister Aloysius and Sr. Mary Martha.

JACK said...

She, and you, are in my prayers.

JACK said...

She, and you, are in my prayers.
Blessed Peter Gonzalez is the Saint of the Day.

Donna said...

I love this. God bless you.

SWP said...

I think you might be feeling Holy Saturday more acutely this year; I hope the two of you will be able to find the new life that follows the tomb. You know, that's how Christ sent his disciples- by two. Maybe you will find new membership this way?

Maureen said...

She has left a big hole in your lives, hasn't she? - lovely to be able to talk about her and remember how much she meant to you, not everybody has that legacy to leave.
And you still love her - that hasn't died......

Anonymous said...

Dear Sisters,

My condolences to both of you, and my prayers.

Flycat said...

Thank you for sharing that beautiful reflection on life and death. I remember when my grandmother passed away that it was very strange to think about her not being at the nursing home anymore. It was almost like a little light went out in that part of town and I missed the little bit of light. I hope that over the next weeks you can continue to find strength. I will pray for all of you.

mschoir01 said...

No words seem adequate for the loss of someone we love. I hope the loss becomes easier to bear.

katney said...

So sorry for that empty spot. Blessings.

Nancy Shuman said...

With prayer.

Sister Mary Winifred said...

May she rest in peace and rise in glory.

Mahdji said...

The empty spot, the hole in your soul, can and will be filled by Jesus in the Eucharist.
Having suffered through 4 deaths in the last few years, I've found that the lonliness, if given to Him to deal with, is manageable.
May God fill your heart with joy very soon as you enter into Holy Week and come out through Easter Sunday.

Catholic Bibliophagist said...

Prayers for all three of you.

--C.B.

Bethy said...

My condolences for Sister Mary Fiacre. It sounds like you're still in the shocked stage. I hope things settle down for you a little now that we're heading into Ordinary Time again.

Danielle said...

I'm sorry for your loss. God bless.

Marion Teague said...

Thank you for saying that about feeling jealous. I too have felt that when a good person has died,including my dear husband. I thought I must be weird! Well at least we both are!

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Peace be with both of you.

midwestmom3 said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers for all of you.

Sheba said...

So sorry Sister. May her Soul rest in peace and may Our Lady be with you.