Sunday, August 13, 2006
ANNOUNCING! The PAGAN BABY REUNION!
Today Sister Saint Aloysius and I were going through the couch cushions and coat pockets and everywhere else we could think of looking for loose change. Money is tight at the convent even though Sister Mary Fiacre doesn't eat much. Truth be told she eats like a horse, we just don't feed her much. Lets' face it, she doesn't need the fuel. She would continue eating as long as there is food in front of her.
Anyhow, this being Sunday, we were looking for a little money with which to tithe, when I ran across a medal in a box on the shelf. I had forgotten that we ever had such a thing, but here it is. The pagan baby medal. You can see the Pope himself blessing two former pagans right on there. Don't they all look happy? And so well groomed. We used to give these to the children whenever they bought a pagan baby.
All the children would put their loose change in a can on Sister's desk. Each pagan baby cost five dollars. When we got five dollars the children would pick a name for the pagan baby, send the five dollars to the priest at the mission who would snatch the baby from an eternity of suffering and baptize it with the name we sent along. Then we got a certificate and the children got a medal. All for $5. Sally Struthers, eat your heart out.
I've lost count of how many pagan babies we have purchased from the jaws of hell over the years. Roughly ten each year in each class room, 3 classrooms to a grade level (during the baby boom), first through eighth grades (the kindegarteners used their nickels for milk, the older kids can get rickets and offer it up). I might need a slide rule here.....if each classroom was saving at least ten pagan babies, then our school alone would have grabbed 240 little souls away from an eternal life with Mr. Satan, (formerly St. Lucifer). Over how many years? I've lost track. And at how many Catholic schools across the country or even the world? Mind boggling.
But that's a boat load of pagan babies. We may have run out of names. We may have had pagan babies named "Chip" and "Jessica" or "Smiley".
I got to thinking about all those former pagan babies when it struck me! We need to have a pagan baby reunion! I did meet an actual former pagan baby once. He had become a priest, so the system really, really worked.
So tell everyone! Log in here at Sister Mary Martha and make yourselves known. We know you're out there! We'll have a party! We'll have cake..........unless Sister Mary Fiacre gets her mitts into it. She'll eat the whole thing.