Thursday, August 17, 2006
Snakes on a Plane
Where is St. Patrick when you need him?
If you're one of those people who wants to yammer about how there were never any snakes in Ireland to begin with, please keep it to yourself. You're about as much fun as the person that sits behind you in the movie pointing out how this and that could 'never happen'.
By the way, the next time that happens to you, you have my permission to turn around and say to the yammerer, "Martha and Mary didn't think Lazarus could rise from the dead either." That will frost their cookies.
Seeing promotions for this upcoming film, "Snakes on a Plane", put me in a mind to think about St. Patrick and the age old fight of religion and science, which is a bogus as the premise of this movie.
Yes, we had a little trouble with Galileo, but the Holy Father apologized to him just a couple of years ago. I'm sure the whole Galileo family breathed a sigh of relief.
The story goes that St. Patrick drove all the snakes in Ireland into the sea. We realize that never happened. How do we know that never happened? Because the last snake argued with St. Patrick until St. Patrick tricked the snake into going into a box. Talking snakes were out after the Garden of Eden. So we get it, okay?
Snakes were never in Ireland because it's an island. Even if there HAD been snakes at some point who came there before it turned into an island, they all froze in the ice age with no help at all from St. Patrick.
Like the story of the Garden of Eden, the story is a metaphor. Was there one man named Adam who ate an apple and brought sin into to the world? No. Was there even a garden? Apparently not, because the dinosaurs would have eaten it.
What does the story tell us? That we were sin free until someone sinned. Then God promised a Messiah to save us from sin. For some reason he let millions of years pass before he sent the Messiah, during which everyone went to Limbo until Jesus opened the gates of heaven.
Which is why you should also calm down about Armageddon. God seems to let millions of years pass between Messiah comings and goings. It's only been 2006 years, so there's a long way to go. Just be good and mind your own business.
So what's up with St. Patrick? He drove all the pagans out of Ireland. It's a metaphor for snakey pagans. Snakey, snakey pagans.
Take St. Patrick with you to the film.