Today we have a couple of questions for the marriage minded. The first question was sparked by our other workplace dilemma of the witch in the cubicle.
I have a very different problem at work. One of my coworkers is recently married. She invited me to her wedding, but I could not attend due to a previous obligation. We belong to the same parish and work at the same store, but outside of that we do no socialize (I'm old enought ot be her mother!) Here's my problem: she keeps reminding me that I have not given her a wedding present yet. Is it customary? Expected? Good manners? Just one of those social mores?
KarenHoly Toledo! What gets into people? My readers have had various comments about this situation, mostly pointing out that the poor new bride has poor manners. Although this is certainly true, it doesn't help poor Karen out, unless we expect Karen to throw her nose into the air and say, "It is the height of bad manners to ask for a gift. The meaning of "gift" is that it is a freely given thing. If this is your attitude, then please call it by its proper name, 'obligation."
I know Karen is thinking exactly that. We all are.
But, it doesn't solve the problem. If Karen doesn't respond somehow, the bride will probably (I'm going out on a limb there) give up eventually. But her long nagging period will also cause resentment to both parties, making going to work all the more.....work. It shouldn't be work to go to work. It should just be work when you get there.
Meanwhile, over in the Peanut Gallery, there has been added discussion about whether are not you are obliged to cough up this wedding obligation. The truth is, you are never obliged to give a gift. But bad manners go both ways, so all the etiquette books, which are really simply guidelines in how to treat other people nicely and not ruffle any feathers and make everyone feel at ease, say that if you go to the wedding, you should bring a gift.
This seems fair to me. Especially is you are partaking of the free party after the wedding.
The etiquette books also say that, if you are not attending, you are not obliged to give a gift.
This puts Karen squarely in the second category. She did not go to the wedding.
Being right doesn't really do much to not ruffle any feathers and put everyone at ease. My solution is to cough up a gift that doesn't cost anything. Once you have given a gift, the poor clod really has to stick a cork in it for good. I suggest a prayer card. I realize that it's not what she's after and that she'll probably be disappointed. But she can't point out to you that it's not a great gift, because she would insult you and because it actually is a great gift.
Make sure that you say, "OH! I brought your wedding present," when you haul it out to hand it to her. Make sure the card says on the front, "The Gift of Prayer", just to drive your point home. That should fix her wagon.
Meanwhile, this lady is looking for a ring.
I was wondering which saints might be helpful in getting my boyfriend to finally "pop the question". It's been four years now, and although I know he loves me and wants to get married someday, his idea of someday and mine are very different. I'm tired of living the way we are living and want to fulfill my vocation and raise some good Catholic stock of my own!
Any suggestions would be helpful. Thank you for your time.
Are you sure you don't want to ask Dear Abby? I know Ann kicked the bucket, but Abby's still around isn't she? I think her daughter took over the column.
I know I'm a nun and might be missing something on which everyone else is clear. After four years you can't just say to this fellow, "When are we getting married? I have to fish or cut bait here."
I don't understand why you have to hem and haw and hint and pussyfoot around a very important question that involves the both of you equally. "We've been going together for four years and I'd like to know if we are going to get married, and if so, when."
It's not a timetable for pulling out of Afghanistan, for goodness sake!
Is it really just a matter of wanting him to be romantic and get down on one knee or have the question posted on the jumbotron at the ball game or put the ring in your pie at dinner?
After four years, I'd say, get over it. Apparently, he's not the type. We can't have everything.
St. Agnes is the patron saint for landing a feller.