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Life is tough. Nuns are tougher.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Sister St. Aloysius opted not to wear a full habit. She used to wear a little veil, but dropped that a while back. She feels she can better serve if she blends in, like an undercover cop. It is not my purpose here to get into the forty some odd year argument whether the clergy should or should not be recognizable from across a football field. I can tell you she sometimes gets an earful.

Yesterday she got an invitation.

I have to tell you two things. One, it is my firm belief, now slightly shaken, that you can still spot a nun. Those funny little bangs give them away. I call them "nun bangs". And the shoes. Two, we live in the Los Angeles area.

The invitation that Sister St. Aloysius received was for a cuddle party. I wish I was joking. I wish the people who extended the invitation were joking.

It wasn't a very personal invitation, I'll grant you that. People were handing out flyers and shoved one into her hand. I maintain the bangs and the shoes still should have waved them off.

Here's the more horrible thing. I actually already knew there was such a thing. I saw a report about it on the news. I can't think what news I was watching, but it was report about new trends. Cuddle parties are a new trend. A group of people gather in someone's apartment, the cuddle co-ordinators, who are the flimsiest of new agey therapists, give a speech. The rules are laid out to everyone, as you can imagine what you might have to say to a group of adult strangers who are about to lie on the floor and 'cuddle' each other, then the people pair off and cuddle and then they cuddle in ever larger groups until in the end they have a 'dog pile'. No mention is made of the sins that are about to occur, the near occassions of sin and actual sins that are occuring, probably even during this little speech, or how really pathetic this all is. Did I mention they all show up wearing pajamas? I believe my brain wanted me to skip that part. They all show up in pajamas.

Here's my flyer: Join the Catholic Church.


We have a cuddle party right in the middle of each Mass! Catholics have been complaining about 'the handshake of peace' for years, but there you have it. In the middle of the Mass we all have to turn to each other, shake hands and say, "Peace Be With You." In many parishes the handshake has progressed to hugging. Desperate for human contact? Go to Mass. That's enough contact for you.

What to show up places dressed out of the norm? Join the clergy. We have an array of comfortable garb. Don't believe me? What does the priest wear? A robe.

Need someone to explain the rules. Brother, we have got that covered.

And finally, if you feel the need to have a dogpile, after you're third child and way before your ninth, you will have this wonderful experience.

Sister St. Aloysius got her veil back down from the closet.

12 comments:

Christopher said...

Did I ever mention that, during my years of Catholic grade school, not one, but two of the parish priests were reasigned for having their own private "cuddle parties" with the wives of parishoners?

I remember one of them was named "Father Rick" which should have been the first clue that something unseemly was going to happen.

Christopher said...

If I remember corrctly, Father Rick was also the mastermind behind the "Adult Snow Cone" booth at the yearly fundraiser/carnival which took place in the autumn on the school's playground/parking lot.

Tim said...

Ahaha! Vintage Sister Mary Martha....

Mr. Friendly said...

Sister Mary Martha,
Perhaps Sister St. Aloysius and you should attend the cuddle party to, um, help others avoid the near occasion of sin.

amaupin0402 said...

i have dogs. thats is my cuddle party. i have tiny little chihuahua mix dogs that sleep in my bed with me every night, all cuddled in under the covers. the best part is that in the morning i can feel their tiny feet with mine and then i feel pure joy and love first thing everyday!

Sarada said...

The sisters are lacking in bangs in my area. All the older ones without habits have short, male haircuts sans bangs. Must be a california thing.

Christopher said...

Every sans-habit nun I've seen looked a lot like that guy tim who has his picture posted above.

duchessSoF said...

I saw a review of cuddle parties on Penn and Teller's bull*&t show. Cuddle parties?

We womenz gets a lot of hugs anyway in church. I do.

And I am single with no boyfriend for miles.

I am bemused to see you do a review of this and had to link to you from my evil boring blog. Thx.

Georgette said...

ROTFLLLLLLLLLL!!!!

GREAT post and final punch line! I literally laughed so hard my family wondered what the heck I was up to!

:-D

I think I need to add you to my blogroll, Sister!

Georgette said...

Christopher, LOLLLLL!

EmilyMode said...

My name is Emily and I'm 21 years old. I attended an all girls catholic high school though I was raised christian and never became confirmed in the catholic church. I will hopefully be travelling to Mexico City over Christmas and will be visiting the Basilica there. I do love the Catholic beliefs and I especially love the faith and aura that surrounds the Mexican people. I would love to convert and was wondering if you could explain to me the process. Thank you! emily

Adoro Te Devote said...

Emily- You will need to join an RCIA program (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults). It typically starts in September and finishes at Easter. At my parish the new converts or Catholics being Confirmed will become so at the Easter Vigil--it's beautiful!

There are many different programs, some better than others, let me tell you!

As far as Mexico/ the Basilica...been there twice! Our Blessed Mother will change your life. God bless you!