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Life is tough. Nuns are tougher.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Well, I hope you're all happy that you've given me a three day long headache. I know I am. Woo- hoo! It has occurred to me to start drinking so I would have some fun before I have a three day long headache. I do love a nip in the eggnog.

Perhaps I can explain the sin and suffering on the cross connection if we walk through the events that caused sin to be taken away but why we still suffer for the reparation of sins. I thought I had done a bang up job of it already but apparently not.

Before I begin, if you are not a Catholic and you persist in the notion that if it's not in the scripture it's not real, or you just read the Bible on your own and this is what you've come up with for what it all means, you're wrong. If you are Catholic and this is what you think, go be a Lutheran. I hear they have great coffee klatches in the church basement.

Here's what happened:

Jesus dies on the cross. The gates of Heaven, which had been closed since the sin of Adam ("Adam" which actually means 'mankind'), are opened.

In fact, while Jesus was dead--and he was really dead--he went to Hell. It wasn't actually Hell, like where Satan lives, it was the Limbo of the Fathers, because before Jesus died on the cross nobody could go to heaven. The gates were closed. Jesus went and got Noah and Abraham and Moses and took them all to heaven.

I've always wondered what happened to the people of Sodom and Gomorrah. Nothing good, I imagine.

Then Limbo was closed. It closed because it was empty. Then it reopened again for all the little unbaptized babies and the Aborigines. Then it closed again in 1969. It's gone now, like drive-in movie theaters and rotary phones. Gone for good. There are some people who still argue that there must be a Limbo. Tell them to stop it.

I'll tell them: Knock it off.

So Jesus made it possible for everyone to go to heaven by dying for all our sins. He opened the gates of heaven.

It is up to you to actually put on your shoes and walk in there.

If that wasn't the case then there really wouldn't be a Purgatory, or a hell for that matter, or a need for confession or Last Rites...oh wait...we don't call it that any more do we? Scared the pants off too many old folks on the brink, maybe actually pushed them off the brink.....
I think of it as going through Customs, but they don't call it that either. Now they call it "Anointing of the Sick", so there's some hope there that you might get better.

If this isn't the case you can throw out your scapular and use your rosary to tie the bread bag shut.

I'll give up my habit since there's no use for me. I'll dump Sister Mary Fiacre into the drink, since Jesus already paid for that sin, and Sister St. Aloysius and I will take all the money out of the St. Vincent de Paul box in the back of the church since it's on Jesus' sin dime and go to Vegas. Sister St. Aloysius is a genius mathametician--did I ever tell you that?-- and should be great at card counting and odds and the like. And gambling isn't even really a sin. We'll drink and smoke and wear mini-skirts, which might actually KILL someone who saw me in that. But who cares. Jesus loves me. He passed through customs for me 2000 years ago.

Two things you really need to remember:
1. Don't go digging around in the Bible on your own. Why?

What did the angels say to the shepherds when they came to tell them Jesus had been born? Most people would answer, "Peace on Earth, Good Will Toward Men."

Easy Breezy Lemon Squeezy.

But that's not what they said. That's what Luther changed it into.

What the angels actually said was , "Peace on Earth to Men of Good Will." (To men who will put their shoes and socks on and start walking toward that open gate.)

2. There are things that we can't understand. They are called, "Sacred Mysteries".

"Sacred Mystery" is Catholic for "Let it Go."

Either let it go, or...hope you like coffee.


owenswain said...

Hey Sista, excellent heads up on old Luke 2:14 which the RSV renders as: "Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace among men with whom he is pleased!"

The Douay-Rheims -- that English speaking bible that PREdates the KJV {which many Protestants claim is the oldest English language Bible and which they are patently wrong about} -- puts Luke 2:14 like this: "Glory to God in the highest; and on earth peace to men of good will." That must be the translation you were quoting.

Either make it clear, the Four Spiritual laws may have been a Bright idea from Bill but, in fact, it's not a Scriptural claim.

Oh the fun of being a convert.

Peace, good will to you, well, here's hoping.

Mom said...

Dear Sister,

Please forgive my ignorance, but what happened in 1969?

Sister Mary Martha said...

Jan b, lots of things happened in 1969. The Mass was changed from Latin to English (whatever language the parishoners speak), the altar was turned to face the people, St. Christopher got the boot....Vatican II.

KatDee said...

I love what came out of Vatican II, except for all the folk music. I mean, for the love of St. Peter can we knock that off once in a while and have some beautiful chants?

Once in a while, I gaze sort of longingly over at the Orthodox.

Anonymous said...

Dear Sister Mary Martha,

Thank you for your insight, wit and just brightening my day.

I understand that at the sin of Adam the gates were closed (daft phrase really). I would like your thoughts on how Elijah got a ‘get out of Limbo free card’ and took the freeway straight up to heaven in his chariot of fire and later appears with Moses during the Transfiguration? I suppose the question is, was heaven full with Moses and Elijah while Ruth, David, Joseph etc, etc, had to stooge around in Limbo until the Resurrection? Either it was closed or it had a members only sign up, wait that’s what it is now… I think.

If Heaven was shut to all, how did they get in (Moses and Elijah)? we do not think unlike The Blessed Virgin they were immaculately conceived. Just a thought if you can shed any light.


PS They could have sneaked in by the back door, climbed over the fence maybe, mmmm!

Sister Mary Martha said...

Maybe they weren't in heaven but just visiting from the Limbo of the Fathers. Or maybe since they were hanging around with Jesus they got an early parole from Limbo.

I would chalk it up to "Sacred Mystery"...and you know what that means.

Anonymous said...

Is saying "Because of Vatican II" a kind of shorthand? Because I read the documents for a class once, and it said that Latin and chant should stay in the Mass, but that you could do some of it in the vernacular. And it didn't say anything at all about altars.

Wasn't the priest facing God before? So now he has his back to God, so he can look at the people? Maybe the priest and God are keeping their eyes on us?

Anonymous said...

Dear Sister Mary Martha,

A question that has no connection to your post. What order do you belong to? Are you agostinian, cistercian, ursuline, carmelite?

Funny and intelligent blog. God bless you!


Sister Mary Martha said...

A lot of the changes that came with Vatican II came as a result of Vatican II and not directly from Vatican II.

dutch said...

You've actually given a lot of food for thought. And I now I am hungry.
I will in the meanwhile, go and eat some cookies.

God bless you Sister MM +,