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Life is tough. Nuns are tougher.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Tony, Tony come around....

One of our readers reminded us of a prayer to St. Ann. I've already mentioned to said reader that I don't care for the prayer:

"Dear St. Ann, send me a man, as fast as you can. "

You don't need St. Ann to have that prayer answered. You just need a bar stool and a sinful skirt. You don't even need to bring your purse.

And the meter of the 'poem' is off. That's the other reason I don't care for it. And if that isn't enough, St. Ann is the patron saint for grandmothers, not man hunters.

The terrible prayer to St. Ann reminded me of another Catholic ritual, praying to St. Anthony when you lose something, which always works.

"Tony, Tony, please come down, our keys are lost and can't be found." Or something like that.

I never speak to St. Anthony that informally, but I do speak to him very often. I can't tell you how many times we've leaned over Sister Mary Fiacre, moving her around or reaching for something near her, and dropped our eyeglasses, our car keys, pens, religious medals and scapulars, early June peas, wallets, change, her lower teeth, prescription medicines, important mail....among other things....into the folds of her clothing and under her lap blanket in her wheelchair. Sister Mary Fiacre can't tell us she's sitting on the remote, but St. Anthony can.

St. Anthony was a studious fellow who read everything he could get his hands on. One day everyone gathered for an important lecture but the lecturer was a no show. St. Anthony was asked to stall for a few minutes and gave an amazing speech. From that point on he was a premiere speaker and teacher.

The reason St. Anthony was such a fabulous speaker: he had a photographic memory. He could regurgitate everything he ever read. That's also reason he can remember where you put your keys.

We have his tongue. We also have his esophagus. Some saints are incorrupt. We know that because the first step to being canonized is to have your body exhumed to make sure it's you in the tomb. It's not at all unusual to find saints looking fresh as a rose ( and often smelling like one) many many years after their death. St. Rita is incorrupt, along with St. John Vianney (who just looks great!) St. Bernadette, even Pope John XXIII, to name a few. St. Anthony wasn't, but his tongue and his esophagus were. His tongue is in this fancy jar.

We were saved by St. Anthony just today. Our plumbing blew up yet again and although we have that under control our wash machine had had enough. RIP, Maytag. We were blessed to have a washer in the house, what with Sister Mary Fiacre. Enough said about that.

So we headed to the laundromat, which is wonderfully close by, Sister Mary Fiacre in tow. She likes to watch anything moving, so the big side loading washers and the giant dryers are very entertaining for her.

But the 412 quarters we brought weren't enough and since we didn't bring the car we had nothing to dig through to find a couple more. We prayed to St. Anthony and dug through Sister Mary Fiacre. We found two quarters, a part of an orange peel and a nine volt battery.



KatDee said...

I hope you can wrangle up a washer soon - as if you sisters don't have enough to worry about.

I also don't like that St. Ann prayer. I think it emphasizes the wrong thing.

Kasia said...

Someone recently told me one for St. Frances Cabrini, when your car is on the fritz:

"Mother Cabrini, Mother Cabrini, come down from your cloud and fix my machini!"

I don't know what she has to do with automobiles though...

Motherhen said...

St. Anthony has worked for us countless times. Lost school belts, tennis shoes, Christmas books, wedding rings, etc.

I one time had an online friend who was a pagan. She lost her wedding ring when she was out of town. Several practicing Catholics told her they would pray the St. Anthony prayer for her ring to be found. I think she even prayed it. A few days later, her wedding ring arrived in the mail, fully intact. She has lost it in the hotel room and the cleaning ladies had found it and returned it to her. Amazing!

Sister Mary Martha said...

I think that Mother Cabrini is off kilter. I think it needs another line to make the meter work:

Mother Cabrini, put down your martini,come down from your cloud and fix my machini.

Of course...it's not perfect.

sister mary alternative said...

that st. anthony prayer always reminds me of how samantha used to call the doctor on the t.v. show, bewitched. "Dr. Bombay! Dr. Bombay! Emergency, emergency. Come right away!"

cattiekit said...

Aw, hey. I thought it was:

"Holy Tony, come on down;
Something's lost that must be found."

Just the right touch of insouciance mixed with reverence. ;>)

Bekah said...

I also just had an encounter with St. Anthony. Of course, I was the one who was lost, and I threw St. Jude into the mix. I turned a corner and there sat a sheriff.

Anonymous said...

Hey there,
It's obvious you've got a talent for writing :) I also realise that this site is meant as a joke/something to amuse us. But I feel like you're mocking God and his church with a lot of the content. (I don't know if this makes a difference to you, but I'm not even Catholic. I'm a born-again, Spirit-filled believer of an entirely different denomination). I just wonder what would happen in a non-Christian stumbles upon this website. It certainly wouldn't encourage them to believe in Jesus or accept the salvation that they can have because of his death and resurrection on the cross. I'm not trying to offend you, but would love for you to think about whether this website is a good and proper witness for the Lord.


Arkanabar Ilarsadin said...

Shelley, different things attract different people. I understand that you find Sr. Mary Martha's apparent irreverence and humor a little off=putting, but there are those who have avoided Christianity because the think it is entirely devoid of fun. And for them, someone like Sr. Mary Martha is wonderful outreach.

Anonymous said...

As a nonbeliever who stumbled upon this blog some months ago, I would like to reassure Shelley that it doesn't seem to *me* as if Sister Mary Martha is mocking God, or Jesus, or the Catholic church -- human beings and how seriously we take ourselves, yes but not God, never, not even once. On the contrary, I think Sister's faith shines like a beacon. Believe me, I find her expressions of faith much more attractive than eyeroll-inducing earnest personal testimonies. In fact, the more earnest, the more off-putting, imo.

Anonymous said...

I too, many times have prayed to St. Anthony and have found "the lost." A friend of mine, who is not Catholic, but a devout Christian, lost her wedding diamond from her ring. She jokingly asked a Catholic friend of hers to use her influence with God. The friend said that she would pray to St. Anthony. A week later the diamond was found! In the back seat of her car that carried 5 young boys and their friends to ball games, carried bags of groceries and dog food.

It looked like a piece of cellophane, but she picked it up and it was her diamond! She is definitely a believer.

My mom, sister and friends have used St. Anthony to find my lost objects through the years.

I find this sight a delight and not derogatory to my Catholic faith!


CT said...

This site makes me think of "Rejoice in The Lord" (St. Paul, I believe)

I am a wife, and mother of two, but I find a lot of things in common with Sister Mary Martha. I work with youth, and humor has worked wonders in how to draw them and keep their attention in religion. I see no disrespect, but spark! after all, many saints were even practical jokers themselves!!!!

And sad thing it is, a sad Saint.

Keep on, Sister Mary Martha!