Unhappy Thanksgiving

Hi Sister Mary Martha, I love your blog! I've been following for a long time, but never commented before. I'm writing to ask for your prayers and for a patron saint suggestion. I have been outcast from my family and so the holidays are a difficult time for me. You see, my father molested me when I was little. At the time, my mother knew, but she refused to help me or protect me. I told my siblings and husband about it only after my father died. It seems they all blame me for what happened. It doesn't make sense; as if a little girl was supposed to be able to fight off a grown man. My husband left me because he thought, if we had children, that I would abuse them. (I know first hand the horrors of abuse and would never do that to anyone!) Anyway, I am kicked out of the family, written out of the will, and not welcome at any Thanksgiving or Christmas gatherings. Please pray for my family, that they can some day realize their mistake. And please pray for me, that I might some day be at peace about all this. Do you have a patron saint you can suggest for me? Thank you SO much!

It might be that they don't so much blame you as they simply don't believe you. They can't deal with the idea that what they think to be true about their father and the life they lived in your family is not true.  If they let the truth in even for a second, they cannot blame their beloved father.

All of this is a tragedy.  For you and for them. But tragedy cannot be the prevailing wind of our lives. They may never come around. You need to forgive them, which I think is extremely difficult to do when they aren't trying their best.

So for now, don't try. Put them on the back burner, but don't let them simmer. Turn the heat off of those pans back there. Concentrate on the front burners. Your life. What it is going to be, how to be fulfilled in life. When you eyes float to the back burners, pull them back to the front.

You CAN do that. There are people who need you. People who also, for a wide variety of reasons, have a difficult time over the holidays. They need your help and your love. They already have your understanding, don't they. They are surprising easy to find.

Start by volunteering. A soup kitchen, the Catholic Charities, a nursing home. Cook, visit, help.  The gratitude you will receive will fill the empty spaces.

Find a support group. If you can afford therapy, get some, but at least find a support group and go.

And, of course, I have a patron saint for you! She is so perfect for you! And only recently canonized. Mother Mary MacKillop, founder of the  Sisters of St. Joseph of the Sacred Heart (also known as the Josephites).

Kicked out of your family?  She was excommunicated (and still made it to canonization).

Why was she kicked out of the church? For exposing a sexual abuser.

Yes, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. You know what else it is? Thursday.  A great day to find those people who need you. You need them.

Rote Prayer

Dear Sister, Lately I have been trying to start my spiritual journey with God, but when I pray I often find myself just repeating empty words and I feel disconnected. Or I feel like I'm just going through the motions. Can you tell me how to actually feel God during prayer?

Whose words are they? Are they your empty words or are you saying prayers from the backs of holy cards and novenas, rosaries, litanies?

I don't think we're in any real trouble here if that's the case.

If they are YOUR OWN WORDS, then you really have a problem.

It's easy to disconnect from what become rote prayers. When I'm teaching children to memorize something I tell them to work on it until their mouth knows it, until they can say the words without thinking, and the example I use for that is saying a Hail Mary or the Pledge of Allegiance. Your mouth knows that. You can say it without thinking.

Which is a good thing when you're saying a rosary, because while your mouth says the Hail Mary, your mind is mediating on one of the Mysteries of the Rosary. Some forms of mediation empty the mind. The rosary fills the mind.

So if this is the case with you, stop saying rote prayers for a bit and just talk to God. Start with gratitude. That will make you feel better and much more connected right away for all the gifts you have.Did you ever stop to think that it was very smart of God to make you waterproof? What if, when you got wet, you got all soaked and had to run around or stand dripping so the sun and wind could dry you out again? Be thankful that you're waterproof.

Think outside the box.

It's okay to ask God to find ways to connect with you.  Be sure and wake up that His answers will astound you. You may not recognize them until after the fact. Terrible things can become blessings. Blessings can become wake up calls. Pay attention!

Let us know how you're doing. It's a great week to be thankful. 

A Welcoming Thanksgiving!

Since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I thought today's question might give us something for which to be thankful.  Not that that is a tall order.  If you woke up this morning, you've already got that covered.  But I thought a happy story might enhance our festivities.

Sister, I am sorry to ask a question in your comments spot,but I haven't figured out how to ask questions on this blog, so here goes.
I was born and raised Southern Baptist, but as a young woman I became interested in other religions.
Catholicism was an eye-opener. All of a sudden, the Bible stories I heard as a child lost the dry, dusty, not quite done feel. The Catholic version was more real, more full-bodied. As time has gone on, I have learned more and more about Catholicism.
Now, I am ready to go to the priest and ask to go to classes so I can be baptized a Catholic.
Is there a saint that intercedes for almost Catholics?

YAY!  Welcome!  Particularly timely and wonderful in lieu of the last couple of posts what with our discussion of the Bible and all. Delightful!

And OF COURSE, there are saints for converts.  The truth is, there are dozens and dozens and dozens of them, since so many saint spent their lives converting people.  You could go for the North American Martyrs, for example.  They'd be happy to help!

But perhaps you're looking for a convert who became a saint.  You could turn to the original convert saint, St. Paul.  He wasn't just any convert.  He was a persecutor of Christians before Jesus knocked him off his high horse.  He turned out to be quite the convert.  Like an ex-smoker in his zealotry.

God love those ex-smokers.  For one thing, they've stopped smoking.  Then they become really rapid anti-smokers.  Good for them! I think it's because they finally realized how terrible they smelled.  That is quite a revelation to them, it seems, once they can smell things again.

I remember when I was five, by little best friend who lived up the block had a stuffed monkey that she left at my house.  It smelled so...weird.  Bad.  I had never smelled anything like that, and this is back in the day when adults sat around smoking whenever they were and whoever they were with, infant or octogenarian.  My mother said, "That's because they smoke."  I thought that was very odd, because the monkey did not smell like cigarettes or smoke. It just smelled.  Poor monkey.

But I digress.

Here is a list of saints who were converts.  It's a bit overwhelming. Notice that it includes all of the apostles, who were all Jewish.

Which gives a wonderful idea for you!  St. John the Baptist!  He was Jewish, became a Christian before the word was invented, started Baptizing people and Baptized Jesus Himself!  And the word "Baptist" is right in there!

I think we have a winner!

Happy Thanksgiving!  We'll talk again over leftovers!