Who Ya Gonna Call?

When I was a little girl we used to play a game we made up called, "I Hope the Ghost Comes Out Tonight!"  It was a scary night time version of tag that we would play at dusk in the summertime.  One kid would hide somewhere and then, after counting for a bit ala hide and seek, we would slowly walk across the yard chanting "I hope the ghost comes out tonight!" until the hidden child would leap out and chase us all. We all had to make it back to home base (the back porch steps) before being tagged by the "ghost".  If you got tagged, you were the ghost. I was almost never the ghost.  Somehow, it was much more scary to think you were being chased by a ghost, than by Kathy Kroeger or Jackie Kimbrell.  I always think of that game whenever the topic of ghosts comes up. 

Speaking of the dead, what do you recommend we do when our house is haunted? The house has been blessed. I've asked the ghosts to leave in a stern voice. Nothing. In fact, it made them more active. There are at least 3 of them in the house. They haven't done anything to hurt us but they are scary. You can't 'prepare' for it so I'm always caught off guard. They can be seen, heard, smelled (one smokes something that looks like a cigarette but smells like cigar). They make noise. Once, I was on the couch and it sounded like every pot & pan, every dish, everything I owned had crashed in the kitchen. When I ran to the room, nothing was out of place. The person I bought the home from sold it because she was afraid to live there. I thought she was crazy. It's a beautiful home. Too bright and sunny to be haunted. And when you die, you go to hell, purgatory or heaven. There is no 4th choice of hanging around and haunting a house. So what is going on? It doesn't seem evil or demonic.

The underlying question here is, what does the Catholic church have to say about ghosts?

Not much.

Do we believe in the supernatural? Every day. Virtually everything we believe is supernatural. God, Jesus, resurrection, ascension, transubstantiation....if that's not supernatural, what is?

So I've been doing some research for you all on the topic. What does the Catechism say about ghosts? Not a word. But here's a good summation of the overall thought on the subject:

(a ghost is defined as) “a disembodied spirit. Christianity believes that God may, and sometimes does, permit a departed soul to appear in some visible form to people on earth. Allowing for legend and illusion, there is enough authentic evidence, for example in the lives of the saints, to indicate that such apparitions occur. Their purpose may be to teach or warn, or request some favor of the living” (Fr. John A. Hardon, SJ, Modern Catholic Dictionary (Garden City, New York: John A. Hardon, ©1980) published by Doubleday and Co., p. 229).

The problem here is there is a huge difference between an apparition of a saint or a soul from purgatory and some guy who doesn't know he's dead or whatever and also still loves his cigars, even though he no longer has to breath air, with or without smoke in it.

So now we have to take a look at what the Church teaches about the occult which is this:

“All practices of magic or sorcery, by which one attempts to tame occult powers, so as to place them at one's service and have a supernatural power over others — even if this were for the sake of restoring their health — are gravely contrary to the virtue of religion. These practices are even more to be condemned when accompanied by the intention of harming someone, or when they have recourse to the intervention of demons. Wearing charms is also reprehensible. Spiritism often implies divination or magical practices; the Church for her part warns the faithful against it. Recourse to so-called traditional cures does not justify either the invocation of evil powers or the exploitation of another’s credulity” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 2117).

Where does that leave you and your haunted house?  Not every priest would tell you the same thing, but I believe that the general consensus would be that these are not dead people who are stuck in time.  We do  believe that after death a person goes to one of three places, Heaven, Hell or Purgatory and no one is stuck here. If someone does get to pay us a visit after their death it is with God's permission, not to just hang around and puff on cigars and rattle the pans.

So the Church would say demons often don't look demonic. That's a big part of what makes them demonic and the entire reason you are not allowed to try and talk with them. You would be in over your head.  Why do they hang around houses pretending to be Civil War veterans and dead damsels? Maybe because your belief in them would cause you to doubt the Church. Just a thought.

What to you do about it? I don't know. St. Benedict (who had a vision of his twin sister's soul rising to Heaven when she died) is the patron saint of exorcism.  The prayers said during an exorcism are written in code on the back of his medal.   If our readers would like to follow the discussion so far, go back to two posts ago and read the comments, where there has been more on "the haunting".

It Takes a Village of Saints

We have had quite the discussion in the comments section because of a haunted house. I promise we'll discuss the haunted house. But today we have a matter of some urgency.

Hi Sister, who would be the best saint for this whole situation. A sick child that can't communicate where his pain is (autistic), that is having almost daily bouts of awful pain by the look of it and is generally under the weather, doctors that seem not to be taking it seriously enough or don't believe me or are next to useless for whatever reason, long delays in getting to see anyone who could possibly help, or tests done (even with private health care we are still having this problem) and a parent reaching the end of her tether and, sorry to say, almost despairing. I really need some divine help here.

Saints, indeed. But also, some help from a social worker. Isn't bundling the latest thing in technology?  Let's do some bundling and call out:

St. John of God, the patron saint of social workers and nurses. You need some muscle in your corner and autistic advocacy groups can help you get the help you need. The former Secretary of State once reminded us that "It Takes a Village" and was ridiculed for it. But it does take a village.

 I think you should also turn to St. Gemma, a young lady who lived with horrible pain and paralysis for years on end, but who eventually had a miraculous cure. She knows about pain and patience, two things that, oh, so unfortunately, often must go hand in hand. You have to have patience for two, so Gemma is your girl.

And let's not forget St. Joseph Cupertino,  who I believe probably was autistic.  There's a good saint bundle for you.

Let us know how you're doing! And get on the internet and find an advocate in your area.

Together Forever

Since it's Lent and we're not supposed to run around doing the happy dance, I thought this is as good a time as any to talk about what we do with our ashes when they become ashes and our dust is dust again.

Recently my husband and I were discussing the topic of non Catholics being buried in Catholic cemeteries.Is it allowed? I am a convert to the Catholic Church and our children are Catholic. My husband is a non practicing Protestant who comes to church with us occasionally (Christmas and Easter). I want to all be buried together ...after the Lord calls us home....in a Catholic cemetery, which hubby has no objection to if it is allowed. Which brings up a few other questions about the end. Yes, the rest of your family can stay with you, almost no matter what was going on with them. Unless one of your daughters or sons is a famous heretic, they can join you. Technically, even if they weren't famous and they were a heretic, they couldn't come along. I'm just imagining that unless they were famous for being a heretic, how would anyone really know they were a heretic? How can we account for someone's private heretical thoughts? We can't.  I digress. Catholic cemeteries are sacred ground, blessed by the Bishop. There are cases that have to be approved by the Bishop, but generally, we like to keep families together. So while we're on the subject let's talk about a couple of other things that tend to come up. 1. You can be cremated. But your ashes have to be buried, not scattered. Or interred. They have to go in an above ground mausoleum or a below ground in a grave. Your choice. But you can't be in a pendant around someone's neck, flung out to sea, shot into space, or sitting on top of the TV with the St. Clare statue. 2. Once you are a corpse your dead remains have to be treated with respect. They have to be  buried or interred, cremated or not.  They can't be stuffed and perched on your favorite horse who is also stuffed, as Dale Evans once threatened to do with Roy Rogers. (In the end, Trigger was stuffed, but Roy was not.) Or kept in the basement to scare ladies that stay at your motel. 3. It's a great idea to be buried in a Catholic cemetery. The ground is blessed, the other people visiting the grave sites are all on the same page. We're all family here. Canon law dictates that we always preserve the respect for the dead. 4. And finally, people who commit suicide can be buried in a Catholic cemetery. We don't know what is in someone's heart so we can't judge someone who has taken their own life. Unless the person was also a heretic.  I hope that covers everything. It's important that your mortal remains are respected and left undisturbed. Unless you are a saint, ironically. If you're up for canonization, we're going to dig you up to make sure it's really you. Either way, we'll bring flowers.

Meanwhile, in Heaven

Hi Sister - in the spirit of St. Valentine's Day, I have a question about a saint for married men. Of course, St. Joseph immediately sprang to mind, but he seemed happily married! I wonder if there is a saint you could recommend for the following: My sisters and I would like to pray a novena to ask for protection for our father from his second wife. She is nominally a Catholic, but treats him in an unChristian way. He is in his 70s, and in good health, but she is 10 years younger and always calling him old man and talking about assisted living and how the old should not be taking care of the old. We fear for him. He can come live with any of us any time he wants, but as a truly devoted Catholic man (who had a very good marriage with our mother before she passed away), he holds marriage in high esteem and I cannot imagine him ever leaving. (There is much more to the story, but I am leaving the really ugly bits about the second wife out, in case she finds this blog & recognizes.)

There are a few saints that pop into mind. But before we turn to Heaven for help, let's try one important thing. Take your dad out and talk with him. Find out how he actually feels. Does he feel trapped and harassed? Is he miserable and afraid? Because he might not feel the way you do about his situation. And if that's the case you'll have to bow out.

Meanwhile, in Heaven, we have:

Two saints who needed protection: St. Dymphna, whose father came after her because she looked just like her dead mother. When Dymphna ran away, he hunted her down and killed her. 

St. Barbara, also had a father who killed her. He had locked her in a tower to preserve her chastity. The tower had two windows and Barbara had a third window installed to remind herself of the Holy Trinity. Her father was convinced she had it put in so the boys could visit. After he killed her, lightening struck him dead. Because of the tower, she is the patron saint of sailors at sea, and because of the lightening, she is the patron saint against lightening and the patron saint of those people who do those elaborate fireworks displays on the Fourth of July and every day at Disneyland.

The patron saint for bad marriages: St. Rita.  Rita prayed for her husband, but he was a bad egg and was bumped off by the mafia.

St. Monica's husband was no picnic either, but she prayed him and her sin loving son, St. Augustine, into Heaven.

There is some serious speculation that St. Louis IX of France was happy to stay away on Crusades so as not to be home with his wife.

If the situation is dire and threatening, you could all take Mrs. Dad aside and tell her, "We're watching you."

And so is Heaven.

SAINT Valentine's Day

An old friend of mine pointed out that back in the day, in Catholic school, if you said, "Happy Valentine's Day", the nuns would say, "Happy SAINT Valentine's Day".

Actually what he said was, "the old crones would say 'Happy SAINT Valentine's Day'". But I knew to whom he was referring.

I understand, more or less, how St. Valentine, whoever he was or which ever one he was, became the patron saint for lovers (and epilepsy, by the way).  One St. Valentine wrote love letters for someone, one married people in secret who were not allowed to be married by the state. Christians, namely, were not allowed to marry.

And while all of that is lovely, it has rather turned into a day that makes a lot of people sad, or disappointed, while a lot of other people are wallowing in their true love and chocolate.

We complain all the time about the "War on Christmas" (which starts, if WalMart and Target are any indication, the day after Halloween).  All we really mean by that is that Christmas has become too secular, that the birth of Jesus seems to be in the background, somewhere behind the inflatable Santa and the new flat screen TV.

Yoohooo! St. Valentine? You in there?

But the same thing has happened to poor St. Valentine. He is lost under the pile of revealing lingerie, 4 foot teddy bears, boxes of chocolate, roses and massage gift certificates. No matter which St. Valentine we pick, we are actually looking at a man who helped people in need, bringing food and comfort to those in prison, for example.

I think we should take back St. Valentine's day, stop eating cake (it IS Lent, after all), and find something worthwhile to do in the name of love.  A random act of kindness, a donation to a charity, a helping hand, a voice of comfort. No one will be disappointed.

Happy Saint Valentine's Day. From this old crone.

What the Pope Gave Up for Lent

Normally, as soon as I get a moment on Mondays, I write a post. But today is certainly not normal. Our Holy Father has resigned. It is only the second time in the 2013 year history of the Church that this has happened. 

 We've been in shock all day. Usually if anything is going on with the Pope we, meaning we, the public, hear something. I was asked dozens of times if/why/when Pope John Paul II might step down in his waning years. And I always answered, "Popes simply do not do that."

Except for Pope Celestine V.

The strangest part for me, personally, is that I just finished this book yesterday. Yesterday! It's a book about Pope Celestine V, the only man to step down from the Papacy!

Yes, I heard on NPR today, some historian talking about the Pope who stepped down to heal the Great Schism in the 15th century. He doesn't count, as I see it. That was when we had two Popes (three at one point). The Papacy had moved from Rome to Avignon, France and stayed put. Some people wanted the papacy back in Rome and so they got their own Pope in Rome.  The fight went on for years and years. St. Catherine of Siena wrote reams to both Popes, begging them to resolve the issue, for one of them to step down. Finally, in exasperation, someone said, "Okay, neither of you are Pope...we'll have this other fella as the Pope." No one budged and there were three Popes because the third fellow wouldn't step down either. So that's what this man on NPR was talking about. It's really not the same thing.

As this.  And Celestine V.

Peter Morrone, who became Celestine V had been a very charismatic and deeply holy monk who founded monasteries and oratorios and the Celestine order of monks and had many, many followers because he walked the walk.  He wore no shoes and a ragged robe. He lived in a cave by himself,up in the mountains. St. John the Baptist was his hero.

Back then there were only about 12 Cardinals around to elect a Pope.  They'd all go off to some really nice place and take their sweet time because the food and wine was terrific. That's why they finally got locked in a room that they couldn't leave until they elected someone, called a papal conclave.  

This time they dithered for two years,  and still couldn't come up with a good candidate.  How in the world did they come up with the idea of a man who lived far away in a cave? Peter Morrone had written them a letter about their foot dragging and said that their behavior would incur the wrath of God. It caused one of the Cardinals to exclaim that Peter was the best choice.

Then they all traveled over to the cave on the mountain where Peter lived. He refused the robes and the crown and the Vatican. He had his coronation procession on a donkey and lived in a castle of Charles II.  He was Pope for five months. During the five months he became more and more reclusive, eventually building a cell for himself in the basement where he signed anything anyone put in front of him. 

But ironically, two of his papal decrees are still with us. One is that the Pope will be elected by locking the cardinals in a room until they elect somebody. The other, that a Pope should be allowed to abdicate.

And here we are. Celestine explained his resignation citing  the desire for humility, for a purer life, for a stainless conscience, the deficiencies of his own physical strength, his ignorance, the perverseness of the people, his longing for the tranquility of his former life.  

We pray for Pope Benedict XVI.  Pope Celestine V was chased down by his predecessor and locked in a dungeon where he died. He was canonized in 1313.

The Little Big Books of Lent

I must say that the comments and ideas about a new group of Holy Helpers has just been excellent! Keep them coming! Maybe we can have a list by the time Lent starts.

Speaking of which, in an effort to finally be ahead of the curve, I want to give everyone a heads up that Ash Wednesday is next Wednesday. The countdown to Lent begins. Good bye, Ordinary Time.

You don't have to "give up something for Lent".  But you have to give up something for Lent.

You don't have to pick one thing to give up. You can give up things left and right. Take the more difficult path, put in the extra effort--find things that make you uncomfortable. Visiting the sick and infirm and your eyes are watering because the place smells so.....unpleasant? Stay longer. That sort of thing.

So we've gone the extra mile and compiled some of our favorite Lenten advice and admonishments (because what good is a nun if she doesn't scold you a little?) and we have a new set of booklets! We usually sell the booklets separately or as a set, but these four are only sold as a set, as information in one refers to comments in another.

There is advice about what to give up, what not to give up, why we give things up, why we have Mc
Donald's fish sandwiches and what goes on during Holy Week.

We started with LENT, which explains the reason for the season and a guide on giving things up. Then we compiled REVERSE LENT, which explains what not to give up, sort of. It also includes the story of St. Jonas Hubahem, who wins the prize when it comes to suffering. We gathered up the questions we had about all of this for THERE IS NO CASUAL JESUS and finally we walk you through what goes on during HOLY WEEK.

We do it all ourselves, the editting and layout, the printing and collating. We even have a special stapler! It's very long to reach across the page and staple the pages together in the middle without making a wrinkled mess.

Nuns do not like wrinkles, except on faces. And those weird dogs.

The Fourteen Holy Helpers

Sister Mary Martha, I am not a Catholic but am an avid follower of your blog-- your common sense, excellent reasoning, humor, compassion-- OK, I'll save the rest 'til they ask me to give your eulogy-- but anyway, I am so often uplifted and thought-provoked by what you say. At any rate: what's up with holy helpers? As in: who are they, why, etc? I know that there's always The Google, but your explanations are most often concise and informative, not to mention (as far as I know) accurate.

Aren't you nice? Thank you for all the lovely compliments!
This is an excellent place to start a list for our times! What are the Fourteen Holy Helpers? I wish I could tag the picture above like they do on Facebook.

I hope I can also iron out the reason the Fourteen Holy Helpers were locked in the cloak room along with terms like "cloak room".

The Holy Helpers were a list of saints that were invoked together starting in the 14th century in Germany.  The list of saints were asked for their collective intercession because of the Black Plague. Here is the list:

St. Agatha.......headaches
St. Barbara......against sudden death
St. Blaise.........against throat problems and for the protection of domestic animals
St. Catherine of Alexandria........against sudden death
St. Christopher....against the Black Plague and for safe travel
St. Cyriacus.........against temptation on the deathbed
St. Denis..............against headache (that's him holding his own head in the picture above)
St. Erasmus..........against intestinal maladies
St. George.............protection of domestic animals
St. Giles.................against the Plague and for a good confession, cripples, beggars and blacksmiths
St. Margaret of Antioch.....safe childbirth
St. Pantaleon........against cancer and TB and for doctors
St. Vitus...............against epilepsy and for the protection of domestic animals

That would be a mouthful, so everyone just prayed to the Fourteen Holy Helpers. The devotion spread like the plague.

Wait..I meant..it spread the way the plague did.    No...I mean, because the plague was spreading the devotion spread.

Whew.

They had their own feast day on August 8th. At one point the devotion had become so popular that a plenary indulgence was attached. That is no longer the case. And the feast day is no more, as well.

Now we zoom from the 14th century to the 20th century, where we find that quite a few of these saints are not what they were cracked up to be. Meaning that we really don't know as much about them as we thought. St. Christopher is a great example. The Fourteen Holy Helpers are disbanded. They still each have their own individual feast days, although some of them didn't even have that for a while. St. Catherine of Alexandria lost her feast day for a while there, but now it's back. Good luck finding a St. Catherine of Alexandria medal, though. It annoys me. She appeared to St. Joan of Arc, for Heaven's sake!

That's pretty much it in a nutshell. I might add that all those saints for the protection of domestic animals were on there because animals also got the Black Plague.

So in order to come up with a new list of saints, we'll first have to come up with a list of modern problems for which we need Heavenly prayers.

Two spring to mind for me: our violent world and cancer. What do you think?

Holy Helpers

We have had some wonderful saintly help from our readers for the lovelorn. It's been several years since we took up a collection of saint poems for various problems, from St. Boniface and St. Frances Cabrini (for parking spots and car trouble) to St. Anthony, who can find anything (husbands included).

I had forgotten about St. Anne!  
"St. Anne, St. Anne, send me a man."

Poor St. Anne. Little effort was made formulating this saint poem. It seems her patronage of the unmarried might hinge only on the fact that her name rhymes with "man".  The same reason St. Boniface is the patron saint of the parking place. We could just as easily turn to St. Dorothy for the same purpose. "St. Dot, St. Dot, help me find a parking spot." 

 I digress.

St. Anne is indeed a patron saint for finding a husband. And equestrians. I can't think why on either front. Granted, St. Anne was married.  So? A lot of saints were married. Happily married. We could make the case that she would have been the very earliest married saint. 

But horses? I'm sure St. Ann did not have a horse. St. Anne having a horse would be like Jesus having a car. The most Jesus ever had was a borrowed donkey for a few minutes. Perhaps it is because some medieval knights rode under her banner. They each had a horse, I'll bet.

I also neglected to mention the age old invocation of St. Catherine of Alexandria. 

"A husband, St. Catherine;
A handsome one, St. Catherine;
A rich one, St. Catherine;
A nice one, St. Catherine; 
And soon, St. Catherine!"

Here, no one even bothered to find a rhyme scheme.  We can only hope that by "rich" the author meant the other ways one can be rich in life: rich in friends, in spirit, in hope, in happiness.  Because praying for Mr. Moneybags is not something Jesus would like you to do.  WWJNLYTD.

This is another poser to me, like St. Agnes, because St. Catherine had not one thing to do with marriage. She was one of the Fourteen Holy Helpers before they were relegated to the list of has been saints. I think that may be how she got grabbed for the Christian Mingles.  Don't worry that St. Catherine is gone from the saint roster! It's just that there was WAY too much legend going on with the Holy Helpers and so the Church decided to not encourage more confusion. 

I think we should have some holy helpers! Let's make a new list! 

We know St. Joseph and St. Anthony are shoe ins.  I don't think we need fourteen. Twelve, I think, like apostles.  Leave your suggestions in the comments section!

A Match Made in Heaven

I am always amazed when I'm asked for dating and relationship advice. 

Sister Mary Martha, Like you I also like terrorizing children and lucky for me I can do it 10 months out of the year! Haha! As a senior high teacher I do have the pleasure of working with young people and I absolutely love it. My only complaint is that I have many teacher friends who are all married and I wonder how I too can meet someone. I have been single for an awfully long time and I can't seem to meet anyone. I have tried classical routes and some new "on-line" routes. I am still struggling to meet someone who wants to get married and have a family. Any advice?

You get that I'm a nun, right?

Like that stops me from having advice or an opinion. I believe this question has come up before and many of our readers flew to the rescue with some good ideas. I'm sure they will once again don their angel wings and pipe in with links and lists.

Please keep in mind, when this happens, that they are not actually angels, or saints for that matter. Angels are not dead people or nice people. They are a completely different entity that God created. And  a saint is anyone who is dead and in Heaven. As saintly as someone may act, they are not actually a saint until they are not only dead, but in enjoying their Heavenly reward.

I digress.

I have two ideas for you. 

One, go out a lot. Go everywhere. No one is going come knocking on your door with a ring floating in a glass of champagne. Unless maybe....you have some plumbing that needs fixing and the plumber is a handsome Catholic man.  It would be great to marry a man who can fix things. I'll always remember Mrs. Gott chasing after her husband as he ran through the house with a hammer. In her girlish youth, she had imagined that all men were just like her father, who could not only fix a house, he could build one, from carpentry to electrical to plumbing. Alas, this is not the case and all these years later she had learned that her husband did not know how to fix anything, but it never stopped him from trying. "Hit it with a hammer" was his solution to any fix it need.  So if she saw him with a hammer, she knew she had to step in.

I digress.

Go out.  Lectures, meetings, plays, sports.  Find things to do where you meet lots of other people. 

Look your best.

Here is my other idea: a novena!  Good idea, right? Nine days or nine first Fridays, usually to ask the intercession of certain saint. Now, the patron saint for finding a husband (and the Girl Scouts of America) is St. Agnes. While I usually do recommend Agnes for the great husband safari, the truth is that Agnes herself was martyred for refusing to marry anyone. 

And then. of course, there is good old St. Valentine, whose box of chocolates day is just around the corner. He really didn't have to much to do with lovers either and we don't even know which St. Valentine is which. Maybe he delivered a love letter once or twice. He was no John Alden.

Speaking of angels, St. Raphael the Archangel is the patron of young lovers, because he stood up for a young couple. So he is a pretty good choice.

But I'm going to recommend the world's happiest bride, St. Elizabeth of Hungary. She was married off at a very young age to a princely typed, but she was happy as a clam and loved her husband to pieces. Unfortunately for her, he didn't live a very long life and she spent the rest of her days missing him, but you get the picture. They were a great match.

Blabbermouth Saints

The masses have had plenty of ideas about how to bill St. Dymphna in the shop. Many think she should just stay crazy. I tend to agree. Look for me to come back to this again, next time someone sends me a scolding email. During the very helpful conversation in the comments section, this question popped up. 

 I tend to run my mouth and say more than I need to.....who is the patron Saint of those who talk too much.

Talking too much is a relative situation, is it not? If you're at Aunt Tillie's funeral and you just can't stop commenting on the mourning garb or lack thereof, you talk too much. If other people can't get a word in edgewise, you talk too much. If you're Chris Matthews, you talk too much. 

But some people talk a lot and it's a very good thing. With that in mind, I offer two patron saints for you, with the thought that if you have a tendency to run your mouth, you could at least not run it on empty.

First up, St. Anthony. Yes, I realize that most people think of good old St. Anthony when they can't find their glasses and keys. He is unfailing in this regard. You know what to say, right?  "Holy Tony, come on down, something's lost and must be found."  The story goes that a Brother "borrowed" St. Anthony's book. St. Anthony prayed and prayed that the book would be found and the Brother had an alarming vision of St. Anthony. I don't know what was alarming about it. Maybe having a vision is alarming enough. I would be alarmed if I had a vision, especially if it was a vision of the person whose book I "borrowed".  Maybe having a vision of an annoyed St. Anthony goes a long way. In any case, the book was returned.

But I think the whole "lost and found" thing has a much deeper root. St. Anthony was the best public speaker of his day. Apparently, he had a lovely voice and a compelling style. But on top of that, he had a photographic memory. He remembered everything he read, which made it possible for him to speak extemporaneously with great effect.  That's also why he can remember where you left your keys, I think.

In any case, word of St. Anthony's amazing gifts got back to St. Francis, himself. St. Francis sent St. Anthony a letter and told him that whatever St. Anthony wanted to go out and speak about was okay. "Please get on out there" is more or less said. "We need guys like you."

Now before you rush out with your mouth in gear, keep in mind that St. Anthony was very well educated in theology and, as I mentioned, remembered every word he ever read.

But he's a great patron saint for you. He was such an fantastic speaker that when his remains were exhumed, his well used tongue was still intact, moist and glistening. I believe it still resides in Padua.

You should be so blessed.

And the other patron saint for you is St,. Francis himself. All St. Francis did was run around preaching. On foot, with no shoes on. He heard a sermon that inspired him and off he went. He was joined by another guy, and at the end of the year there were eleven of them. In a few years, there were one hundred....thousand. Five hundred thousand if you also count the people in  the Third Order. That is some powerful blabbing.

So blab away, my dear. And remember the words of St. Francis "Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary, use words."

Ask Sister Mary Martha's Readers

Our readers are lovely people with great questions and even better responses. Sometimes I don't bother answering when someone Asks Sister Mary Martha, because someone in the comments section has covered it for me, and quite nicely. And often people write in with corrections and additions to whatever I've had to say.

So today, I turn to our readers to ask you all a question. I need help!

In the shop we sell St. Dymphna. St. Dymphna is the patron for the mentally unbalanced and sleepwalkers, but because she has that distinction, every kind of off kilter, 'you're not normal' issue a person can have has also been glommed onto her.

And St. Dymphna had no mental or neurological problems. Her father did. She didn't even sleepwalk.

So, I've never felt that St. Dymphna really was a good patron saint for mental illness, rather, she was the victim of someone who was mentally ill.

All this time in the shop, and the shop has been around for many years now, we've billed St. Dymphna as the "Crazy People, St. Dymphna".  She sells like hot cakes.  I went round and round with how to bill her, since she has so many patronages and came up with 'crazy people' because she is more the patron saint for the off kilter (in my opinion) than serious mental illness.

I never thought that calling someone crazy (in jest) was a bad thing. Or saying, "Well, that's just crazy."  Crazy is a useful word.

But from time to time I receive a diatribe from someone who is deeply offended that I would use that word in reference to the mentally ill. I don't, actually, since I actually don't recommend St. Dymphna for actual mental illness,  but it looks like a do.  'Crazy' is a good bucket word for the not normal,l given there really is no such thing as normal.  There is. But there isn't. We all understand this.

When I was a child, one of my favorite things to eat was sauerkraut on top of mashed potatoes with ketchup on top. If there was no ketchup, the whole thing was totally unappealing to me. Not normal.

I'm at a loss as to how to bill St. Dymphna.  I don't want to offend anyone and their points are well taken.  I also don't really agree with their well taken points.  So I come to you, dear readers. Any ideas for a new billing for good old St. Dymphna? Patron saint of the not normal isn't very catchy.

Don't Tell ME What to Do!

I feel remiss in not keeping you posted on the calendar. It seems I am always behind the eight ball. It's puzzling because I love the Church calendar, which, if followed, will tell you what to do and think about every single day.

Some people don't like to be told anything. They bristle at the idea. But our path is that of humility and obedience. Following along the calendar days is the easiest breeziest way to figure out what to do.

It's like Weight Watchers!  They don't tell you what to eat. They just give all the food you might want points and you can decide how to eat your points. You can have a big old piece of cake. But not dinner. You can have a reasonable dinner and a little something sweet.  But you might have to walk more.

So every day, the Church gives you some points and you can figure out how to use them. There are reading from the Bible, Old Testament and New, to think over, several saints who have feast days to inspire us, which Mysteries of the Rosary to say, and a general overview, like Advent, Lent, etc.

We just got done with Christmastide. It's a long celebration that ends with the Baptism of Jesus. I can only hope you were following along, since I was no help whatsoever.

Now we're back in Ordinary Time.  It's not all that ordinary, since we're following the teachings of a very radical philosophy that asks us to have compassion and forgiveness at all times, even in heavy traffic at rush hour.  But we're not having any extra cake right now.

We all just did that. Right around the corner, we'll have the opportunity to walk it off, as Lent starts early this year, Easter coming at the end of March as it does. So there's a little heads up from me. IN the meantime, we've put away the lights and the Magi, written the thank you notes.

The priest at Mass will be wearing his everyday green. The Rosary is Glorious. We're making a big pot of chili with chicken and apple sausage.

The Ashes of a Thirty Year Old

The Peanut Gallery has weighed in with some useful thoughts and information on the issue of burial vs. cremation and the laws of the Church. I can always rely on our dear readers to fill in the blanks and put in the two cents I need to pay the bill. Here's a lovely anecdote to start us off:

 I once had an interesting discuss about the Church's view of cremation with my youngest son, then 18. In response to his question as to why it was forbidden at on time, I launched into a detailed history of early Roman practices, the various issues since and finally ended up by telling him that it is now permitted with the caveat you mentioned. He thought about all that for a moment and then said: "Dad, that's pretty stupid thinking. I think if God can make everything out of nothing than putting me back together out of ash isn't a problem." It was probably the best reasoning I've heard about the subject.

Which was followed by this very important information that I neglected to mention.

...also, spreading ones ashes anywhere is forbidden too. I, unfortunately, have a sister in law who was cremated and she "remains" a little bit here and a little bit there. ew. 

That is correct! You still have to bury the ashes or put them in a vault. Not to be confused with vaulting them (into space or anywhere else)or wearing them in a locket around your neck. Also, burial at sea is okay, because it is sometimes a necessity. God may well be able to gather your ashes from the four corners of the universe, but please don't make Him have to do that much work.  He would need such a giant dustpan.

Speaking of giant dustpans...we just found ours. It has been lost for almost 2 years. We lost it when we were battling the morning glories that grew all over the front of house and down the neighbor's fence and out over the sidewalk. It was so massive that the neighbors on the other side of the house came and helped and when it was all over, the giant dustpan was gone.  We looked high and low for it and even St. Anthony could not find it. We assumed it had gotten tossed out with the two enormous cans work of clippings. And the, lo and behold! it turned up buried in a closet over this weekend.  We would call it a miracle but it was not instantaneous and unexplained, although we have no explanation.

I digress.

It was Thomas Aquinas, right? And he thought we'd be 33 because Jesus was 33 when he died. You may have something there! As much as I love St. Thomas Aquinas, I am in over my head  trying to slog through his writings.  I  thought it was because that is when you are at your peak  as a human and was more or less correct about that , from a scientific standpoint.  We're living  longer, but it's all downhill from there.   Here is what he actually said: Man will rise again without any defect of human nature, because as God founded human  nature without a defect, even so will He restore it without defect. Now human nature has a  twofold defect. First, because it has not yet attained to its ultimate perfection. Secondly,  because it has already gone back from its ultimate perfection. The first defect is found in  children, the second in the aged: and consequently in each of these human nature will be  brought by the resurrection to the state of its ultimate perfection which is in the youthful  age, at which the movement of growth terminates, and from which the movement of  decrease begins. (Supl Q. 81.1) I think it was actually St. Augustine that mentioned that Jesus' age at the time of His death  would be the perfect age. Whatever. It's kind of useless speculation. Much more interesting is another notion of  St.Thomas Aquinas, that we can finally have a perfect body in Heaven, because when we  are in Heaven we have perfect souls and our  body and souls are going to match. The body  conforms to the soul.  That's a relief, isn't it?  Get that soul in shape! Jack LaLanne can go  sit down. Well, let's remember, the original reason that you weren't allowed to be  cremated was because people WERE running around thumbing their noses at  the Churches teachings. In order to draw a clear line against this heresy, the  Church put a kabosh on cremation, but considering that plenty of saints were  burned to death, I don't think anyone thought you wouldn't be able to get to  heaven if you had been burned to ash.  It was more of a "Let's not encourage  the heretics" type of thing. This is news to me. I must have been absent the day this was covered. Honestly, not that much was covered. I just read a lot.

		on 1/13/13