We were worried about Sister Mary Fiacre on Sunday because she was in the room while we watched that "tomb of Jesus" thing on the Discovery Channel. We never know how much gets through to her and we feared that the constant and cavalier mention of 'the Jesus family', Jesus and His wife, Mary's bones and Jesus and His son might cause her heart to stop.

We needn't have worried. Even in her quasi twilight state she could have seen through the shenanigans.

I think my heart stopped during it, though, and didn't start up again until I was snapped back to reality by Ted Koppel's hair, which never ceases to amaze me, in the discussion that followed.

It wasn't the silly docudrama that caused my shock. Not the misinformation about Mary, Mara, Miriam and James, not to mention Jesus' son. Not the recreations of the life of Christ or that wacky statistician...don't get Sister St. Aloysius, the math whiz, going on that unless you want to practice some Lenten suffering statistician style, which is to say, you might enjoy having pins in your eyes a little more than listening to her prove her point.

No. It was one little sentence by that Irish priest that they always trot out on the History Channel. They trotted him out for the Jesus tomb docucomedy for one brief and horrible statement. He said that if they could prove, for the sake of argument, that they actual did find the bones of Jesus, it would not shake his faith. Not even a little bit.

I have to wonder in what faith he is involved.

Jesus is in heaven, bones and all. Jesus took His bones with Him to heaven. (You'll have to wait for the Second Coming to do a DNA test. ) That's dogma in the Catholic church, Father Irishman! Are you just following in the 'I believe in Jesus because he was a nice guy" wing of the We're Not Really the Catholic Church? (Notice...I purposely did not capitalize the 'he' referring to Jesus as we are required because Jesus was divine. If He was only a nice guy, there would be no need.)

I'm not sure how anyone could argue that finding the bones of Jesus (which don't exist because they are in heaven inside His body) wouldn't change a thing. It would indeed change everything.

It would mean that the Gospels have at least one series of really big fat lies, starting with the burial of Jesus on through every statement made thereafter. That's no small potatoes.

The pretend theologian from the documentary argued that Jesus may well have risen from the dead, but appeared just as a spirit, so it's all okay. Surely, as a theologian he is aware of Catholic dogma and at the very least the little incident with St. Thomas.

You remember this one: Everyone has seen Jesus up and around except Thomas who declares "I won't believe it until I can stick my fingers in His wounds." At which point Jesus shows up and tells Thomas to go for it.

Bones are included in that story.

We know Jesus was a little different after His resurrection. The disciples didn't always recognize Him right off. He could walk through walls, but He could also knock on the door. You need bones, by the way, to knock on the door. Think about it.

That difference, where He could eat, but He didn't have to eat, is why we say Our Lord had a glorified body and why we believe that we will have one just like it when we are reunited with our bodies in heaven at the end of time.

If Jesus bones were here, then Houston, we have a problem.

But they're not here. They're in heaven.