The Dearly Departed

Before he died, I spent some time with my Uncle Pete. He lived to a ripe old age and died peacefully this morning. The last time I saw him he was his usual pistol self, a martini in one hand, a war story on his lips. We pray for his soul.

Boy, do we pray for it.

His war stories were never about the war part of the war. He had been on the supply convoys for the duration. His stories were about the French girls. Lots and lots of them, if he is to be believed.

I like to think Uncle Pete is in heaven today with my father (his brother) and Jesus and Mary. But....

He was not sorry about the French girls, as far I as could tell.

Which brings me to today's question from a reader:

What a timely post! Just yesterday my 7-year-old came home with a rosary from her teacher (she attends a Catholic school.)

So last night we sat down with my 10-year-old and said the first decade of the rosary (I didn't want to overwhelm them.) I've been wanting to introduce them to the rosary for the last year but haven't done it. My plan was to start up this summer but I expected resistance.

To my great surprise they were very excited and interested. We all took turns leading the prayers and they're excited (as I am) to pray some more.

My question is this: How and when do we mention our intention for that recitation. My brother recently died and while I pray about (and to) him often I'd like to pray on his behalf when saying the rosary.

Is that something that must be stated at the end of the rosary or at the beginning? When praying with my kids do I have to state that intention out loud or can I say it silently to myself?

Can each of us have a different intention when praying? How does all of that work?

Also, is there anything strange about chatting with my brother now that he has died? I don't feel like I'm forsaking God and worshiping him rather I feel like I'm having a one-sided telephone call with him.

Most of the time I tell him things that I'm thinking about which usually start out, "Dude, you're *never* going to believe this."

I'm aware that no one knows for sure, but do you think he hears me? He was ill and bedridden with MS for a very long time and we'd talked about his death. I always told him I expected him to say hi after he died in a dream and that he had to prove it was really him and not just my subconscious mind dreaming about him.

He said he'd drop by and while I know it's probably not going to happen I'm still hopeful that he'll let me know in some concrete way.

I suppose the bottom line is that I'm not confident in my own spiritual views and I am always looking for someone in the clergy to tell me I'm getting all of this right.

Rosary first: have your intention in mind when you begin. You can state it out loud or keep ti to yourself. Everyone can have their own intention, but the rosary is a very powerful tool when a group of people say it together for the same intention, which is true of prayer in general, hence the 'prayer circle'. And the Mass, the Stations of the Cross, religious ceremonies and processions, large group blessings, such as the Blessing of the Animals...you get the drift.

And, just to clear things up, I'm not clergy. I'm religious. Only priests are clergy.

Having addressed the beginning and end of your questions, let's go for the middle part about your dear departed brother. Our condolences and prayers are with you and his soul.

The thing is, we don't know where his soul is right now, unless he's been canonized. Everyone who is dead and in heaven is a saint, but the reason we canonize people is that we have had proof of their arrival in heaven. As a result, the Catholic Church discourages asking for the intercessory prayers of dead friends and relatives.

We never pray 'to' anyone but God. But we do ask the Church Triumphant to pray for us, just like we ask one another that favor. I'll ask St. Peter to pray for me, but I won't ask Uncle Pete. I will ask St. Peter to pray for Uncle Pete.

It isn't remotely strange that you would keep up a one sided conversation with your brother. It's a perfectly fine way to keep him in your thoughts and in your heart. But the rest of it, hoping for dream visit or a "sign"....problematic.

Let's not run around with our hair on fire because we wish to reconnect with a loved one. It's not sinful. We just rather hope that our faith will carry us, that our loved one is indeed in the arms of Jesus, or on his way there.

Because, even if he is spending some time with my Uncle Pete and the rest of the Church Suffering in Purgatory, he will be going to the arms of Jesus at some point, guaranteed. That's happy news.

If he is in Purgatory with my Uncle Pete, rest assured that Uncle Pete has some great stories.