To the Moon, Alice!

It seems like I've unwittingly stirred up a tempest in a teapot by mentioning that Christopher Hitchens didn't like Mother Teresa.  (And he didn't just "not like" her, he wrote an entire booked about it.)  I said he thought her an "empty habit".

Which brought to mind, for someone, another famous nun.  A lot of people don't care much for her, my beloved 92 year old mother, for one.

I don't want to talk here about the truths or untruths about famous nuns. What I'd like to talk about is how to not like someone.  This is an issue no one seems to think all that much about, since we all have folks that rub us the wrong way, we chalk it up to, "oh, well..."   What do we do?  We don't actually hate them. That would be sinful.  So we just...avoid them.  Go to a different parish, cross the street, sit somewhere else, find a different cafe, cross them off the Christmas card list.

And some people, for some people, are actually toxic and should be avoided at all costs.  Abusive, dangerous people.  Sociopaths. Psychopaths.  Axe murderers.  No one expects you to go give them a hug.  We'll have to let Jesus give them hugs. They will be in our prayers.

I'm really talking about the annoying nuns and the cheating mechanics,  the telephone solicitors, the loud horrible singers, the people  who are always wrong about everything but won't admit it or don't even know, the rude, the cell phone blabbers, the traffic cutter offers, the loafers, the lazy, the people on the other side of the political spectrum.  We avoid these people at all costs, so we don't grow to hate them.  We think this is a good idea.

But, guess what?  If things go well and you live a wonderful life, there is every reason to believe you will achieve your heavenly reward.  And God is just and kind and way, way more forgiving than you could ever hope to be, which means that once you achieve your heavenly reward, you may find yourself sitting next to a fill in the blank.  There won't be a rope line in heaven to corral them.  There won't be a parish or a pew from which you can flee, another town in which to live, an apartment in which to hide with your caller ID.

You are going to have to love them.

"OH!" you say, "no problem!  I'll be in Heaven and they will have changed, too if they're in Heaven!"  You think?  Maybe.  God may love them just the way they are.

But let's imagine that we will indeed be perfect beings there in Heaven.  Okay....but that means you'll have to change your thinking at some point.  You actually will have to love and forgive everyone.  Why wait to burn in Purgatory?  You have to get your brain around this.

Why do we love Ralph Cramden's famous admonishment, "One of these days, POW! to the moon!" ?  Because we all feel that way sometimes.  You think I don't?  You think living in a house with a bunch of very religious women makes me immune?  Ou contrare.  It can bring out the worst in everyone.

So how do we allow ourselves our opinions of others, which actually do inform our own choices, without judging and bad feelings?  Drop the blame.  Drop the idea that you know why they behave that way.

It is perfectly justified to note that Mother Teresa did a lot of fundraising.  It is not justified to decide that she loved the limelight and that was her motivation.  My mother doesn't care for the other famous nun because, "She (the nun) thinks she's being so cute."

Not your call, Mom.

Hate the sin, love the sinner, is so much more easily said than done.  After all, it's the sinner that puts the sin into action. Without the sinner, there would be no sin, sin needs to be stopped, so the sinner should be stopped, too.  Right?  Stopped, if possible, yes. Judged, no.

So long, Nancy Grace!  What could have been a public service is nothing more than a witch hunt.  Nancy is set for a some very uncomfortable afterlife encounters. As are we all.

Thank goodness for Lent!  Giving up avoiding people you don't like would be a good one for next year.  It will be just like Heaven!

Hitching up with Hitchens

A friend of mine has recently lost his faith. He read a book by Christopher Hitchens, which has completely destroyed what he believed. He is very, very confused and angry. What would you say to him?

Oh Goodness!  Mr. Hitchens was very confused and angry, too!  He didn't like Mother Teresa.  Who doesn't like Mother Teresa? That, right there, is enough for me to not listen to another word he had to say.  He felt she spent all her time fundraising and was therefore just an empty habit, a money grubber.

She did spend a lot of time fundraising.  She needed funds for the poor people she served. I suppose, since they were all dying, she could have just left them lie there, but the silly woman believed they should be fed and kept clean and comfortable.

I suppose she could have sent out one of her no name nuns who worked there at the hospital. Because you know, that would have really helped draw a crowd.

Clearly, Mr. Hitchens had no clue  how to fundraise or that nuns are pretty much synonymous with fundraising and has never been to a church supper, card party or Bingo game.  No wonder he was angry. He missed all the fun.

I'm sorry I don't know quite what to tell you to tell your friend.  I would start by asking him some questions and listen to his answer and not worry too much about arguing with his responses.  I'd try to find out exactly which part of what he read caused him so much consternation.

Then I'd go think that over.  And then I'd go back and talk with him about those things.

Because it really can't be everything.  There must have been something that got to him.  Some thought that was in the book that entered his brain like an earwig (or at least, the mythology of an earwig) and has eaten holes in some synapses.

Then I would suggest some other reading for him.  G.K. Chesterton springs to mind.  All Catholics love him, don't they?  Chesterton himself was a convert to the Catholic Church.  We especially love converts, because they chose the Church in  a way the rest of us have not, although in Chesterton's case he had been Anglican, or, as we like to say "Catholic Lite", so it wasn't a big leap.  Anyhow, you want to look into people who are called "Catholic Apologists".  A weird term, I know, but it refers to people who are explaining (not apologizing).

Hope this helps.  Mr. Hitchens must be very surprised these days, about all the things he got wrong.

Unforgiven Unforgiveness

Dear Sister Mary Martha,Could you please help me? I am struggling with unforgiveness. Is there any saint who i could ask to intercede for me who had a similar problem?

I am so pleased with you.  Two reasons: you've admitted something that a lot of people have a hard time admitting because it makes them sound petty at best and vindictive and hateful at worst. Let's hope most of us fall on the petty side of the forgiveness fence, because the other side of that pasture is nothing but brambles and quicksand that either stick to your socks so you carry them everywhere with you, or suck you down into a suffocating death.

And! You made up a very useful word.  I don't believe unforgiveness is an actual word. It should be. If we try to find the opposite of "forgiveness" we are faced with words like blame and condemnation, which have nothing to do with forgiveness except for being things you do when you can't forgive.

We need your word!  Thank you.

Forgiveness is at the very heart of Christianity.  It has to be, because we are all SO not perfect.  Compassion and forgiveness are the very essence of Christ's teaching, so if we can't muster it, we've failed utterly at being in harmony with Christ.

But, being so imperfect as we are, forgiveness can be just about impossible.  Oh, it better be easy enough when someone cuts you off in traffic, or wears the same gown as you at the ball.  And it better not be all that hard when someone gets the promotion you thought you were getting, someone who is less qualified than you and kind of lazy, but a big rah-rah windbag when the boss is around.  That's going to be a little harder.

But when the drunk driver whose license has already been revoked runs down your second grader on his way to school?  That's going to be a problem.

Even if you could never forgive that person, we would all understand.

Jesus asks for more.  I always think to myself, "Easy for you to say, Jesus!  You're actually not just a person, You're God."

Too bad.  I often find common ground with atheists, believe it or not, by saying to them, "Okay, I'll pretend that Jesus wasn't God and didn't die for our sins, if you'll admit that His death on the cross did have meaning, even for you, because He proved He meant what He said about non violence and forgiveness.  He went all the way to the cross with His convictions.  He showed you what He actually expects from you and how impossible difficult it will be."

I can only offer you this advice: people often confuse forgiveness with some kind of admission that what the other person did was somehow okay.  It isn't.  We can still demand that the cheating husband, the playground bully,  the car thief and those people on Wall Street did things that were wrong, bad and sinful.  We can demand apologies and reparations.

What we can't do, is harbor the anger.  We can be angry.  We can't stay angry.  We can't live in anger and bitterness.  We have to find a way to love the person, the soul God made, again.

If you focus on that, instead of dwelling on who was right and who was wrong, and how not okay what other people are doing or not doing is,  you'll be more than halfway there.

And of course! The perfect patron saint: that guy on the cross there on Calvary with Jesus.  We call him St. Dismas, the thief that Jesus took to Heaven with Him that day, but no one really knows what his name was.  Silly legends have sprung up around him, that he was someone Jesus had encountered before, along the lines of Ben Hur encountering Jesus while Ben Hur was in chains and then Jesus gives Ben Hur water.  That kind of thing.  But really, all we know is that he was a criminal and the Romans had had enough of his antics.  When the other thief (the bitter, angry one) said to Jesus, "If you're so great why don't you get us out of this?",  Dismas said, "Shut up. You and I deserve this.  This guy doesn't."  Then Dismas said, "Remember me when you get to your Kingdom."

Poor Dismas, by the way, is a cornerstone in the age old argument "faith without good works is just fine".  Such a silly argument.  Dismas' story is about forgiveness.  Anyhow, you don't have faith if you're not doing good works.  Not real faith, at any rate.

And of course, St. Paul.  Now there was one unforgiving person, who ran all over on horseback actively persecuting people with whom he disagreed.

You can start by asking forgiveness for your unforgiveness.  Once you realize that you've been forgiven, you'll find it easier to pass it on.

Christian Singles

Please help. Maybe this is the wrong question for a nun, but maybe someone else on here can offer suggestions too. I'm a young single Catholic women called to marriage... where are all the (practicing) Catholic young men at? Oh, I know they still exist albeit few, but where? I have few friends outside of Catholic activities: volunteer work and the young adult group I attend. It seems that everyone there is already paired off, with respect to both relationships and friendship circles. I've been seeking a relationship and friendships for almost 3 years no avail. As far as love and marriage goes, I've been asking intersession from St. Raphael, Mary and Joseph. Thoughts? While my relationship with God has blossomed in this seclusion, I could really use someone to spend Friday nights with.

You are already taking all the advice everyone gives, which is to look no further than your church group, as though "Of Course that will work!"  Not if everyone is paired up it won't, unless you are one unethical girl.  Which would defeat the whole idea of finding someone in a church group.

It is disturbing that anyone would be "paired off" in a friendship circle. It seems to me that these are the people you want to infiltrate!  Surely they have other friends and relatives!

Let's take a tip from our "Elder brothers" (as the Pope says), the Jews.  The nice Jewish girls I know have pretty good look finding people at least to date (if not marry).  Why? Because they let their intentions be known.  They ask friends and relatives, "Got a fella for me?"  Dates ensue.

A few years ago, I would have told you to stay away from the internet.  And I'm old, so the whole idea of internet dating still gives me the willies.  Apparently, however, it's time for me to put on my big girl wimple and admit that out of the five happy couples I have recently met on their way to the altar, three of those couples sought each other on the internet.  No one is more surprised than me.

But when I think about it, the truth is there are many people finding many things on the internet. God, for one.  I can't tell you how many readers I've had who have said that reading blogs brought them to the Catholic Church, or back to Her.

Meanwhile, two things: offer it up.  There are worse things that not having a date on the weekend. Tsunami's for example.  Life on the Sahara.

Having no relationship with God, who apparently is very happy to be your date.

Secondly: St. Agnes.  She is the patron saint of man hunters (and Girl Scouts).  You've missed out on this year's "bedtime egg".  But that doesn't mean you can't turn to her, even though she was never interested in having a boyfriend.  I've never quite understood why she is the patron saint of the opposite of what was going on with her, but it's not my call. She has been the patron saint of man hunting since her untimely death.  It's rather like having Marie Goretti as the patron saint of finding a boyfriend, but she's the patron saint of teen purity.

Anyhow, St. Agnes is as effective as the internet, as far as I know.

Meanwhile, my recent advice about finding friends applies to adults, too.

That's the Sound of the Men Workin on the Chain...Ga.a....ang.

I'm a bit behind on tackling questions.  I'll catch up. I always do!

But I have a quick question for you!  Is it okay to say, "Happy Lent!" ?

I don't think it is, but I always feel like saying that, I suppose because I love Lent.  It makes me feel good.  I feel like I'm making spiritual progress.

But I'm supposed to be suffering.

And I am suffering.

But then I feel good about it. Like running a marathon.  That must feel horrible.  But we know it feels great because of the accomplishment. And the endorphins. 

I'll be interested in your answers.  No wonder saints went to such great lengths to beat themselves up. St. Rose of Lima made herself a spike hat.  She was a very crafty girl (as in Etsy, crafty, not sly and manipulative crafty).

Meanwhile, I can't resist this question, even though it's brand new and there are older questions to answer.

I have joined a rosary making group. Lately I have just made them solo, but I wanted to get involved at church. I am having problems with the name of the group. They call themselves, "Mary's Chain Gang" I am finding this very offensive to Our Lady....or is my skin too thin? There are not very many members and I believe this may be do to people not knowing what the group does....especially since the words rosary making isn't in the title. Before I moved to this city I was with a group called Joyful Rosary Makers and we were very active. Being new to the group I wonder if I should even tell them about my concerns. Also interesting enough this group makes cord mission rosaries and very few chain rosaries. Am I totally off base here?

I can't think why that name would be offensive.  Are you thinking of gangs, like street gangs, as though they are calling the group "Mary's Bloods"?  That would be offensive.

A chain gang is a group of prisoners, chained together at the ankles, wearing striped prison garb, breaking rocks with sledge hammers and pick axes.  The purpose is twofold: to put the offender to hard labor, and to humiliate them while they serve their time.

One could argue that these people are criminals, but although chain gangs still exist, you really can't judge.  In the old days (which is where we get the term), the men on chain gangs might not have been guilty of anything more than being the wrong color in the wrong place.  Or stealing a loaf of bread because his family was starving.  Looking at the men on a chain gang, there would be no way to tell who was an innocent caught up in the system and who was a bank robber.

I don't think you'd find an actual psychopathic killer on a chain gang, because that guy would have just gotten hanged outright.

It's just a clever name.  Maybe it's just me. I'm chained to a bunch of people and I wear funny clothes, too.  Sometimes I feel like I'm breaking rocks with a sledge hammer.  Or pounding sand.

The one area where I might agree is that people don't know what the group is or does by the name.  They need a Facebook page or something.  If I were in a parish and I saw "Join Mary's Chain Gang!" in the church bulletin, I would be intrigued.  Maybe people just don't like making rosaries there.

I don't like working with beads myself.  I always drop them all over the floor at some point.

I should join a rosary making group during Lent!

The Patience of a Saint

Sister, can you recommend a saint to help my 9 year old daughter to have some friends at school? Or to help her follow God's will, if He doesn't want her to have a "best friend" right now?

I can't imagine in my wildest imaginings that God wouldn't want a 9 year old girl to have friends at school.  Jesus, God's Son and the Second Person in the Holy Trinity, was all about having friends.  He was friends with people who no one on the planet wanted to visit.

Nine is a tough age.  The tricky thing is to somehow help her understand how to be a friend, to be open and loving and compassionate, and not to expect anything in return.  To let go of the hope of having a gaggle of friends or one or two close ones,  and to just let the cards fall way they may, happy in the knowledge that you've been the best person you can be.

And to not make her lack of friends her fault.

Here's a good thing to learn to do: Listen.

When people talk to her, tell her to listen carefully to what they are saying, and then, rather than comment on it, or try to offer advice, simply to say what they just said back to them in her own words.  Simply be compassionate to their feelings.  Lend an ear. Lend a hand.  The end.

People love a good listener.  When you repeat to them in your own words what they've just said, it lets them know they have actually been heard.  Who doesn't want that?

What she'll need is patience and a thick skin for all the times when she'll simply be ignored for all her good behavior.  I'm going with St. Rita.

This may seem like an odd choice, as St. Rita is the patron saint for not so hot marriages and infertility. But here's the deal, St. Rita always wanted to be a nun and the nuns just didn't want her.  At all.

But Rita never gave up and finally, angels came and flew her over the convent wall.  That got her in. You'd think that once angels flew you into the convent, the nuns there would snap to attention and welcome her into the fold.  They did not.

They gave her a task to demean her and to prove her mettle (!) and her obedience.  They stuck a stick in the ground and made her water it every day.  This went on for quite some time. And then one day the stick sprouted leaves and eventually grew into a tree. I think it's still there.  Maybe not. How long do trees live, anyhow?  I'll have to look that up.

One would think that after angels flew you into a convent and a stick grew into a tree, that the nuns would finally want you as one of their own.  Nope.  Rita was never accepted into the community in a loving way, because she had been a wife and mother, and her husband and sons were all not nice people (as in, involved with Mafia types, not nice).  Back then, women who had been married and had children were not concerned nun material.

Finally, St. Rita received the stigmata, with a thorn in her forehead that festered and stank.  Finally, the nuns understood her holiness, but now, what with the stench and all, Rita had to spend the rest of her life in her cell by herself.  After she went to her Heavenly reward, her room began to smell of roses, and does to this day.

Patience and a thick skin.  St. Rita reached her goal.

I'm sure your daughter will not have to water any sticks or stink up her room.  But if she remains patient and compassionate, her loving nature will be rewarded.

To Have and Have Not

Sister, a contructive criticism made possible by the Sisters of Charity of Saint Elizabeth, the Congregation of Christian Brothers, the Augustinian Fathers and the Sisters of Loretto at the Foot of the Cross, all of whom taught me to pe precise in my expression, it is not "I understand that the Mother Superior wanted Sister Hepburn to have to do something huge to prove her metal."; the word you are searching for is "mettle". Thank you, Russ

Thank you, Russ! That was really bothering me! I know in print this sounds like I am being sarcastic, but I assure you, I am not.   I knew something was wrong but I could not remember the correct word.  Now I will write "mettle" on the board 400 times.

Now you must go write "constructive" on the board 20 times.  And "be".  Or maybe type those words.  I'm sure it was typing.  Unlike me, who actually had the wrong word altogether.

I do depend on my readers to let me know when I've tripped the type fantastic.  I often have to pick a new word, because I can't for the life of me remember how to spell something.  Here's one: "racked", as in "I racked my brain trying to think of the way to spell mettle."  Is that correct?  It always seems like it should be one of the silent "W" words to me.

It's a wonder I can put my shoes on.

How is everyone's Lent going?  I am facing my usual Lenten dilemma, whether or not to eat a McDonald's fish sandwich.  The answer is generally, no.  But I go round and round.

To begin with, the McDonald's fish sandwich was invented for Catholics.  Sitting in a habit, eating a fish sandwich on a Friday in Lent goes a long way toward our main mission: getting our souls and the souls of others to Heaven.  It's "a picture is worth a thousand words" moment.

And a "take a picture with your cell phone" moment, as far as I can tell.

Also, it's a thrifty thing to do.  The McDonald's fish sandwich is on sale on Friday's in Lent.  We like thrifty.  We need thrifty to survive.
 
I almost feel duty bound to head over to McDonald's on Fridays in Lent. I can even walk there. Talk about thrifty!  So what's the problem?

I love them.  I find them completely delicious.  The hot steamed bun, the slice of mild cheese, the thick tartar sauce dripping and oozing and squirting.  It doesn't seem right to me to have a treat on Fridays in Lent, the one day in the Lenten week where we 'up the ante' so to speak, by not only our regular Lenten fasting, but skipping meat as well.

Which reminds me...what do vegetarians do?  They never eat meat in the first place.  I suppose they give up cheese.  Or lentils.

What to do?  I think I'll have one.  Why? Because I have always referred to them as my 'guilty pleasure', not because of my Lenten dilemma, but because they are loaded with all things McDonaldsy bad.  Two million calories. Saturated fat. I'll focus on the 'guilty' and not the 'pleasure'.

And I'll just have the one.  Which will make me suffer all the more when I don't have another one.

Or.  I'll ask for a Hula Burger.

Change of Habit

I am one confused nun.  Perhaps you, dear readers, can talk me through it.  Someone called us last evening to breathlessly announce that there was a nun on the Oscar red carpet! I thought they were joking. As far as I know, there has never been a nun at the Oscars, and besides, it's a Sunday in Lent.

So I checked it all out on the internets, and sure enough, there she was.  Not to be confused with the horrible portrayal of a nun by pretend Sister Laura Petrie in her nine pounds of mascara laden fake eyelashes and vampire eyeliner in "Change of Habit",  Sister Dolores, an actual nun, made a documentary movie about how she left Hollywood and kissing Elvis to become a nun. Her movie is called,  oh...I already forget what it's called....  something about God being better than Elvis. 

I believe my confusion lies somewhere in the dusty scripts of Hollywood and nuns.

Just the other day, I chanced upon the opening hour of Sister Audrey Hepburn in "A Nun's Story".  That is one upsetting movie.  Sister Hepburn has a humility problem that plagues her throughout the film and eventually causes her to stroll out the door in a very smart Chanel suit.  (Forgive me if you haven't seen the film and I just ruined the ending for you.  I believe I've saved you a couple of hours that could better be used saying rosaries.)  She is a very smart young lady whose deepest desire is to be a missionary and a nurse.  Some sort of fancy nurse, I believe.  A surgical nurse, perhaps.  She has the chops to do this, but Mother Superior is constantly on Sister Audrey's case about her lack of humility.

Keep in mind, that this is not ordinary humility, but nun humility.  This is the kind of humility that causes a novice to confess that she paused before acting when asked to dry the dishes because she thought maybe she should help wash them or that she sighed once when she saw the breakfast oatmeal was looking even more dry than usual.

So Sister Audrey is about to ace her nurse test that will land her in the Congo when Mother Superior calls her into the office and asks if she would be willing to prove her humility and obedience by blowing the test so that Audrey's nun nursing school rival can move ahead and be sent to the mission.

I didn't watch past that to see what Sister Hepburn decided to do. I have seen the film before and  I know she somehow ends up in the Congo, still a nun.  I was just so aggravated at such a ridiculous request. I understand that the Mother Superior wanted Sister Hepburn to have to do something huge to prove her metal.  But what about the poor people in the Congo?  Don't they deserve to have the actual best candidate for the job?  The people of the Congo hospital weep.

As do I.  It made Mother Superior look like a crazy person who is more interested in rules than in what the rules are for.  Nothing could be further from the truth. 

Humility. Lent. The Red Carpet.  Hollywood just cannot get nuns right.  Poor Sister Dolores is faced with the dilemma of the best publicity her message can ever get vs. that the publicity occurs on a Sunday in Lent.  I suppose she made the right choice. If she hadn't, none of us would have ever heard of her film.  Maybe her Superior ordered her to go.

I'm sure she skipped the Vanity Fair after party.

Passed Over

Dear Sister, there is a friend of mine who keeps on arguing with me that we Catholics do not celebrate Passover especially during the designated time of the year like when the Jews used to.  Please help me.

Where in heaven's name did you get the idea that we Catholics DO celebrate Passover?  Does your family have a Seder? After Temple?  Does the youngest child ask what's going on with this dinner and then someone explains the flight of the Israelites from Egypt?  Then you ate apples and honey and bitter herbs?  Is this plate in any way familiar to you?

Matzo, anyone?

I am utterly baffled by this question.  Certainly, we come from a JUDEO-Christian tradition.  Jesus and just about everyone He knew were Jews.  Everyone that started the Catholic Church was Jewish.  St. Peter and St. Paul had a huge argument about letting non-Jews become Christians at all.  (Guess who won?) The Last Supper was actually a Passover Seder.  But on Holy Thursday, when we recall the Last Supper, Seder has nothing to do with the Mass we celebrate.  We celebrate the New Covenant Jesus has brokered with God for our Salvation.  We recall moment when Jesus gives us the Holy Eucharist (which happened at this Seder dinner).  The Old Covenant is over, along with sacrificing doves and  Yom Kippur.

And our "Elder Brothers", as the Pope calls them,  still celebrate Passover every year.  What's this "like they used to" thing?  Pretty soon now, you'll see Matzo go on sale at the grocery store.  And that  wine.

I hope your friend keeps on arguing with you. There are Catholics who celebrate Seder for, I guess, historical re-enactment purposes or in the spirit of ecumenicalism.  But they're on their own.

God is Love

What should I say to people who accuse me of believing in a "Pixie in the sky" and fairy tales because I believe in God and ask me for proof that He exists? (Or do I just ignore them?) I feel like I should say something, but it's quite hard to say anything that will convince someone who starts out with these views, as they usually get ruder with each attempted defence and I don't have your gift of making sense of everything.

My absolute honest answer is to run, run as fast as you can and don't look back lest you turn into a pillar of salt.  At the point where someone is accusing you of sprinkling pixie dust, nothing you can say will convince them otherwise. The truth is that the entire reason they want to engage you at all in this discussion is to belittle you.  You may as well dance a hulu and sing "Here Comes Santa Claus" as try and testify to your faith.

Unfortunately for you, (and me) Jesus would prefer that we didn't do this. He didn't do it to the point where He was crucified for not shutting up.  He could have just shut up. He chose not to duck out.

Here is the tactic I employ.  I try not to answer right away.  I ask them what they believe. Everyone believes in something that is unseen.  Love, for example.

"Do you believe in love?"

"Yes, of course."

"How do you prove it really exists?  Neurologists say that emotions are complex neurological states in the brain that motivate us to act."

"You can show love, in how you behave toward another person."

"That is absolutely true.  Although....once in a while we find people who we believe love us because of what they say and how they behave toward us, only to be betrayed by them, or hurt by them, or beaten up by them, or murdered by them.  How do we know when love is true?  How can you tell when love is real?"

"Well...you just...you can..."

"Tell that to my friend Ruth who just got dumped by her boyfriend of three years.  Love exists.  But it can't be proved, except through time.  The answer about love is that you just have to take the risk, take the leap of faith to experience it or stay alone and lonely."

"That has nothing to do with a big man with a beard in the sky who makes up rules and sends floods to bad people."

"I think it does.  But I'm not that smart.  I like to read what actual smart people have to say. Like Einstein. He's the smartest person I can think of.  He recognized the impossibility of a non-created universe.  Einstein believed that God reveals Himself in the harmony of what exists, which actually is what motivated Einstein's interest in science.  He once said, "I want to know how God created this world, I am not interested in this or that phenomenon, in the spectrum of this or that element. I want to know His thoughts, the rest are details."   He also said, "Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind." So, if you want to argue with someone, go argue with Einstein.  And good luck with that."

The truth is you are not going to be able to make sense of everything.  But neither are they.  If they try to explain how the world works, they are going to have the same difficulties you do.  No God?  No afterlife.  I'll bet they believe in ghosts, though. Most people do.  How do they explain that, besides admitting their own cognitive dissonance? 

In the end, it may be the best you can do to say, "I have not been rude or belittled you for your beliefs. I cannot prove to you that God exists anymore than you can prove that He does not, so I'll thank you to give me the same respect I have given you."

Make sure you have indeed done that. All people are God's creation. Even the rude ones.

You Don't Need a Patron Saint, You Need a Nerd

Sister Mary Martha,
I could use a all-purpose patron saint.
I have recently returned to school to obtain my college education and earn my degree in nursing.
My difficulties started the first day. English, the one subject that I thought I would do well in, in going right straight down the toilet. Our teacher wants us to work exclusively with the computer and the internet. Nothing could have frightened me more, except the fires of Hell, of course. I am all but computer illiterate, having confidence only in the simplest of tasks.
I already have a 60 in English. My teacher said I didn't save my paper in rich text format. Huh?
When I ask her show me something on the computer, she becomes visibly agitated and states that I must learn to use the computer, or I simply won't succeed in college.
Now, due to heightened anxiety, the narrative thesis statement, outline, and bulleted list looms large before me. The assignment was assigned Friday, are due Monday. This Monday. Help!

Oops.  I hope it all turned out well for you, as I missed your saintly deadline.  We can always look to the saints for help.

But.

Your teacher is correct.  Your professors can't hand hold you through the rest of your college career.  They call it a college "career" for a reason.  You are going to be doing it for some time to come, and to succeed at it, you'll have to approach it as the job that it is.

If you were working at Target, and the manager said to you, "We're getting in some new registers that you'll have to learn how to use",  you would never dream of saying, "Oh, I'm computer illiterate so I'll just flap around with my hair on fire until you sit here with me and show me how it all works until I get it down."  You'd play close attention to her instructions, and then you'd figure it out.

Get a grip.  Computers are SO EASY to use now.  Everything you'll need to change file formats is practically self explanatory. Have someone show you that. Computers: what was once actually rocket science, is now child's play. 

I'll do it.

Here's how you change file formats. When you save your document, under the bar that asks what you'd like to call the file is another bar that allows you to change formats. Click on the little arrow and a list of choices will appear. Click on the one your teacher wants.  The computer will do the rest.

I just don't think you need a saint for that.  You might need a sixth grader.

That's not to say that you won't need, or don't need Heavenly help.  I suggest St. Catherine of Sienna, who spent much of her career writing letters to people telling them to get their act together.

The Union Label

re: unions - I expect she would be shocked and appalled at the los angeles teachers unions who have not stood up and spoken against those teachers molesting those students FOR YEARS, or objected to their receiving pensions and health care for life because they happened to file their 'quitting' papers before the 'your fired' papers get submitted. Makes you question unions, it does.

Actually, it doesn't.  Especially in the light of our own scandal in the Catholic Church which will take a century to overcome.  We will live in this glass house throughout our lifetimes and beyond.  Shall we get rid of unions and the Catholic Church?  Your logic applies to both.

How best to help the poor on a large scale, that was the question facing Dorothy Day.  As Jesus noted, "The poor will always be with us."  Apparently, even He needed a break from the crushing burden of the endless stream of destitution.

He did spend most of His time, however, telling us that we should go ahead and help them, because as we care for them, God cares for us.  Hence that "lilies" speech.  And those Beatitudes.  And all that compassion.

I wouldn't worry too much about anyone getting a union pension.  The guilty party won't be receiving it in prison.

And frankly, as I mentioned yesterday, here is where we all have such a hard time with Jesus and His radical thinking.  We still must have compassion for the perpetrator.  Too hard, right?  Too bad.  Jesus did not turn to the thief on the cross and say, "Well, you deserve this."  We must always have hope that the sinner will return to the table.  "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."  He didn't add, "Unless the sin is really, really bad, then have at her."

I'm a member of a Union and it has helped me and many like me be treated with respect by our Employers (it must be said that my managers have all been fabulous, but Corporate Policy is often quite abusive of employees in my business). That said, some Unions have too much power, or use their power for very selfish ends. It doesn't make them all terrible, just like my former corporate overlords being awful doesn't make all corporations awful. I'm not sure why we make politics such a team sport in the US - it's always Us vs. Them, Good vs. Evil. Like Dorothy Day or St. Augustine (grant me chastity, but not yet) it's such a contiuum of shades of grey.

My point, exactly.  Sometimes the balance swings too far in one direction or the other, in just about everything, from what we eat to who we vilify.  Jesus' radical ideas of love and compassion for all, sinner and saint is a good place to begin the conversation.  That's how Pope Leo XIII did it.

Class Warrior

So we were invited to a Super Bowl party last evening, which turned out to be a party of four.  Sister St. Aloysius stayed home with Sister Mary Fiacre, and I bumbled over to be sociable.  We enjoyed the game and then, inevitably, because my neighbor is excruciatingly involved in politics at the local level, the conversation turned to neighborhood activism.  Most of the time, I have no idea what she is talking about.  I function as a sounding board in which her sound goes in and never comes back out. As I result, I have no clue as to how the topic came around to millionaires and billionaires and the quandary they have as to what to do with all that money.  I came to around the time she was saying something like, "You can only buy so many pairs of shoes."

"I don't think it's that difficult," I ventured. "They could randomly pay a year's worth of rent for  some people.  Or they could pay the Cobra payment of $400 per month for a year for a family or two so those people could use what is a lot of money to them for other necessary things.  It wouldn't be hard to find those people. The billionaires only need to walk out the door."

She was greatly taken aback.  Then we ate carrot cake.  Which brings me to today's question from a reader:

I was wondering- do you think, realistically, that Dorothy Day will ever be canonized?


(Thanks again for making a post giving me St. Nicholas as a saint of advocates of children. It has meant a lot to me)

You're welcome.

I'm not holding my breath on Ms. Day.  But never say never.  She is officially a "Servant of God", which means her cause to become a saint is being examined.  There are stumbling blocks.

To begin with, she was no saint.  She lived with a man, off again, on again, for many years, had an out of wedlock child with him and before that, she had two abortions.  She was a radical activist.

But...

She had her daughter baptized as a Catholic and then she gave up her life of sin under the guidance of a local nun (Sister Aloysius!--a different one).  St. Monica must have had her back. So that's good. Sins are forgiven. The prodigal daughter is embraced.

Then there is that radical activist part.  I'm not sure how the words "radical" and "activist" have become so demonized, but they most certainly have been demonized.  The two radical thinkers on which Dorothy based her activities were Jesus and St. Francis of Assisi.

Let's not pretend that these two were not very, very radical.  They were indeed so radical, that few people, if anyone, have been able to keep up with their radical ideas and activities.  It's too hard.

The disciples of Jesus were continually questioning Him, warning Him to dial it back, asking Him if He really meant to say this or that.  And Jesus was continually admonishing them that, yes, not only did He really mean that, He really meant to take it much, much further. (Or do I mean farther?  Both, really.) His "consider the lilies" speech completely sums that up.  So do His last "marching orders" to His disciples.

And St. Francis of Assisi followed those marching orders to the letter.  I think we want people who have radical ideas that are superb to also be active.  Maybe it's just me.

Dorothy Day's inspiration for her radical social ideas about how to help the poor were drawn from the Doctrine of the Catholic Church, specifically Pope Leo XIII's encyclical "Rerum Novarum" (1891).

The problem, as far as I can tell, is that these ideas have become live wire political footballs (too many metaphors?)  Unions, for example, have been steadily vilified.  While I realize that the pendulum may have swung a bit far in the labor rights favor at some point,  I imagine Dorothy would like to remind us what life was like for workers before they had the right to unionize, how many people were murdered while asking for their rights and that there truly is such a thing as social justice.

She might make it yet.  If the Church can determine that she lived a life of heroic virtue and two miracles are attributed to her, she's in.  I find it difficult to imagine that will happen any time soon, in this political climate.  As we sit here today, she would assuredly be accused of "class warfare". People like Dorothy Day are always shouted down.

But so was Jesus.

The Walls Came A Tumblin' Down

So lately, we've been talking a little about the Bible and the End Times and how confusing that all is and in the middle of all of that, we got this question:

Speaking of the Bible, I have been reading it (but also the footnotes and Catholic interpretations!) and I am sort of flummoxed by one book: Joshua. In it, Joshua and Co. go into the future promised land, kill everyone (young and old, man and woman) and take the place for their own, all because God told them to. I've tried to find a Catholic answer for how this is okay, but no one seems to answer the question. Some apologists have said "God gives life and can take it away", which is fine by me, only God isn't doing the taking. God is telling people to invade another land and commit genocide on the inhabitants! It's not even a war of defense. How are we to understand this book? Did God really tell the Israelites to do this to the letter? Did Joshua misinterpret Him? How could God command his people to do something evil? Am I missing something? Please help!

I can't.  I don't understand it either.  How's that for frankness?

It seems to me that if something is bad, slavery for example, it's always bad.  And if something's good, like monogamy, it's always good.  And if something is important to God, like sacrificing doves and lambs, it should always be important.

At least we can get our brains around the idea that God's Son sacrificed Himself so we don't have to stock the garage with pigeons to atone for our sins. There's one down, anyhow.  But no one bothers to ask why God ever wanted all those dead animals in the first place.

But slaughtering a whole village, babies included? When would that ever be okay? God doesn't care about kittens?  Because they got washed away in the Great Flood, too.  So did those cute baby monkeys.

So I can't help you, except to say that, I just leave God to God.  If you take a look at His creation, you'll be pleased to note that He really knows what He's doing.  For example, He thought to make us waterproof.  What if, every time you got wet, you had to wait to drip dry, or "lay flat to dry" like your good wool sweater.  I would not have thought of that if I were making a person, or a frog.

We were just talking yesterday about the Last Judgment and how that will be what is thought of as a "general judgment" in which whole populations are judged all at once.  No one seems to be concerned that innocents will be lumped in with that judgment.  I don't see how one is different from the other, really.

Apparently, God went with a general judgment and asked Joshua to carry it out.  (I do think that if Joshua had misinterpreted what God said, Joshua would have heard about it from God.)

Maybe the slaves and the extra wives were a good idea because they all converted to believe in one God.

It's a Sacred Mystery, as far as I'm concerned. And you know what that means.

End of the World II

We've heard from readers who have weighed in on yesterday's post. I always welcome everyone's two cents, because together with mine, we have four cents and before we know it we can buy candy.


I thought the judgement after you die is the "personal judgement" and at the end of time is the "general judgement" at which all people (the quick and the dead) will be united to their glorified bodies (which will be doubly great if you then go to heaven and doubly bad if you go to hell).

Yes, there is that.  I thought I would keep it simple, since the next thing you know, once you start talking about Judgment Day, people start selling their houses and walking off into the wilderness.  It has been a personal pet peeve of mine that whenever there is talk of the "End Times", people in every era since the death and resurrection and Ascension of Christ into Heaven were completely certain that THEY were living in the End Times.


The run up to the End Times has the peculiar distinction of applying to every age: wars, famine, evil and crazy weather.  Wait! That's happening now!  Must be coming tomorrow!


I try to point out to people that things were much, much worse at other times in history than there are now, but, having not personally experienced any of that for themselves, even though they watch "Downton Abbey" and watched the History Channel before it turned into "What Hillbillies Are Up To Today", they don't believe me.


I try to not point people in the direction of reading up on it, as they inevitably walk away scared to death with their hair on fire.  But here we are.  Let's skip the build up for how we know the End Times are coming since, although there is a list of 'signs', the Bible also tells us we will never know the hour.  Here is what the Catholic Church has to say about the Judgment itself (and may I suggest you grab a soothing cup of tea, take a deep breath and open both ears so the information can just flow right back out again):

The Roman Catechism thus explains why, besides the particular judgment of each individual, a general one should also be passed on the assembled world: "The first reason is founded on the circumstances that most augment the rewards or aggravate the punishments of the dead. Those who depart this life sometimes leave behind them children who imitate the conduct of their parents, descendants, followers; and others who adhere to and advocate the example, the language, the conduct of those on whom they depend, and whose example they follow; and as the good or bad influence or example, affecting as it does the conduct of many, is to terminate only with this world; justice demands that, in order to form a proper estimate of the good or bad actions of all, a general judgment should take place. . . . Finally, it was important to prove, that in prosperity and adversity, which are sometimes the promiscuous lot of the good and of the bad, everything is ordered by an all-wise, all-just, and all-ruling Providence: it was therefore necessary not only that rewards and punishments should await us in the next life but that they should be awarded by a public and general judgment."


I know. "Blah, blah, blah", right?  What are you to glean from this?


1. What I said yesterday.


2. What I left out yesterday: that if you are already dead and in Heaven OR Hell, you will be reunited with your physical body.  Which I believe is a very good incentive to stay in shape. This is eternity we're talking about.


What are we to make of this "general judgment" stuff?  A few years ago I had jury duty.  We sat in the jury pool room all day. They had told us that once the clock struck four, we would have missed out on being called up and we wouldn't have to come back, that our obligation would have been met. At 3:45, they called us in to begin the process.


It was too late in the day to do anything but nail us all for duty the next day. We were instructed to come back in the morning at 9am sharp OR ELSE.  There was a young man and his lawyer and maybe his mother in the courtroom.  He looked like what people would call a "gang banger".


So, at 9Am the next day, back we were.  The boy was not there.  The judge informed that a deal had been struck and we were done.  On the way out, we all packed into the elevator, expressing our relief and speculating about what had happened.  Referring to the young man, one lady said, "Well, he must have done something or he wouldn't be there."


And I said, "That's exactly what the Dutch said about Ann Frank when they led her family out of the attic."


I believe it gave her pause.


What are we to make of the General Judgment?  Let's not be the Dutch.

It's the End of the World as We Know It

Sister, can you help me sort out some things regarding the Hereafter? On the one hand, we've got Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory, with the assumption that people go to one or the other of these places when they die. On the other hand, we've got the Last Judgement, when Christ will come and sort everybody out to the place they're supposed to go for the rest of eternity. My understanding is that "everybody" means both the living-on-earth and the already-dead-on-earth-but-whose-souls-are-living-someplace-else-now. Am I wrong? Will Christ only sort out the quick and not the dead? Or am I just confused all the way around? Because I don't get how people can now be in heaven or hell AND have Christ later make a last judgement on their souls when the end times come.

It's not rocket science.

Here you go, into the afterlife.

1. You are a saint, or die the death of a martyr.  Straight to Heaven with you.  We'll be asking for you intercession and congratulations on your canonization!

2. You are normal.  You're not a bad person. You're fairly decent. You try hard.  But you've never been able to forgive Aunt Minnie for totaling your car that New Year's Eve in 1982.  You have worn your skirts too short until someone pulled you aside and explained to you that you're 52 and no one is interested in your thighs.  You feel entitled to some paper clips and legal pads from work because heaven knows they don't pay you enough. You're jealous of your sister.  You don't even know why.
Purgatory for you, my dear. We don't know for how long.  We'll pray for your fast release.  Watch for St. Patrick.  Some believe he delivers a few souls every Saturday. You might want to shoot for a Friday passing.

3.  You are Hitler.  Straight to Hell with you.

(Now....we never say that anyone is in Hell for sure. Even Hitler.  In his final moments, he may have realized what he did wrong and been deeply sorry and asked Jesus for forgiveness.  Short of that, straight to Hell.)

So that's that.  But....

4. You're still alive when the Mayan calendar gives out and here comes Jesus.  You've lived until Judgment day.  Scary!  There's no time left for Purgatory, so Jesus is going to have to make a snap assessment.  Heaven or Hell for you?

So, you might want to check your hemline now, because we both know the Mayans have no clue when Judgment day will actually occur.  You will be so chagrined if the ground opens up and swallows you, as you watch Aunt Minnie get shot up to Heaven because she was so very sorry about your car and she never touched another drop.

The Last Judgment is for people who are alive to experience it. Everyone else is already where they are going or about to go.  Heaven and Hell are permanent.  Purgatory is a guarantee of an eventual trip to Heaven.

Does this help?  Because otherwise you can do what I do when I don't understand what God is planning.  Chalk it up to  "It's a Sacred Mystery"  which is "Catholic" for "just let it go."