Friday, February 20, 2009
Get Thee to a Cannery
What can I do to convince Sister St. Aloysius that starting a 'write in' campaign is not the best project to begin when the arm you write with is broken in three places and held together with plates and pins? (Great sling, yes? Click the picture for more.)
She is undaunted. I have had to rewrite her letters for her, which means I have to decipher what she tried to scratch out with her devil arm.
Maybe our readers can help.
For reasons no one can fathom, the Oxford Junior Dictionary has taken out the words "nun", "saint", and "bishop". (There were a few others. Although, they also took out "nunnery" and I am happy to see that one go. I never cared for that word. It sounds too much like 'cannery' and it makes me feel like a sardine that got packaged and shipped.)
Sister St. Aloysius has decided to protest. I agree. It's not as though any of these words are remotely out of use, unless we've decided to change the names of some cities to "Paul" and "Charles" and "Louis". The Louis Arch. It just doesn't have the same ring to it.
I'm not sure how one will refer to that certain now nameless chess piece. I wonder if 'rook' is still in the Oxford Junior Dictionary. I hope so. I don't have any idea what a rook actually is and I'll need to look that up in a dictionary to find out.
They've added some words, like "MP3 player". I'm glad they did that because I can never remember what that is and I have to re-ask the same 6th grader over and over again. Now I can just look it up.
I'm all for this write in campaign. I'd rather just show up at the offices of the Oxford Junior Dictionary editorial board with as many ______s as I can gather and ask them what we're called, since they have taken away the word for us. I could bring some children to open and close their mouths as they try to identify us to further emphasize the problem they have created.
We could set up chess boards with games that can never be completed because of the missing pieces. We could do this under the Louis Arch.
But I don't have that kind of money to get myself over to England.
So please write to the Oxford Dictionary people on our behalf and tell your friends. Take pictures of your children attempting to play chess with no bishop under the Louis Arch. Write to Tony Shalloub. This has to bother him as well.
It's too late for this year, but like the Catholic Church, we are willing to forgive the penitent sinner. Is sinner still in there? I hope not. Not without a saint to help out.