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Life is tough. Nuns are tougher.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Alexa writes:

Dear Sr. Mary Martha,
We have a new car. Twice today my husband parked it and took up two parking spaces on purpose -- to insure against anyone opening their car doors and hitting our new car.
Twice we wondered if that is a sin.

My husband also wants to know if you are more like "Mary" or more like "Martha". We are big fans of yours.

Dear Alexa,

In response to the second part of your question, am I a "Mary" or a "Martha", I have mentioned here on the blog, which you apparently haven't bothered to read, that I am totally a Martha.

(Alexa is referring to the sisters of Lazarus, Mary and Martha. I told the whole story and mentioned that I am just like Martha, the patron saint of over zealous Martha Stewart types and waitresses.)

It's certainly not a sin to have skipped reading the rest of the blog and then asked a redundant question. If I end up with a big head because I have 'fans' and I get annoyed when they claim to be fans but aren't actually reading the blog...or maybe they are skimming through looking at the pictures...then I'm sure I'll have some serious Purgatory time ahead of me.

I've also mentioned here on the blog, that the clergy roasts in Purgatory longer than other folks because our sins are automatically worse than everyone elses, one, because we know better, and two because we are in charge of guiding the souls of others. If we fail, we fail you right into hell. That's quite a responsibility.

Luckily, the Blessed Mother is in charge of Purgatory and brings the suffering souls water. Maybe she only does that on Saturday's, though, when she comes to let the people out who were wearing scapulars when they crossed over.

But the car thing, Alexa...I have to tell you I think we have some sin going on here. Taking up two spaces is not good. It's selfish. There's just no way around that. It's putting your needs before the needs of others. So that's bad enough.

Then, what if the lot fills up and I have to try to get Sister Mary Fiacre into church and go park, but there are no spaces because YOU took up two and so I have to leave her on the curb while I go hunt for a space? Sister Mary Fiacre might wander off, or at least, roll away. Meanwhile, I'm thinking evil thoughts about a person without even knowing who they are so I'VE sinned.

Now we have a chain reaction. As other people drive into the lot and find there are no spaces but there WOULD have been if some parking glutton hadn't taken up two spaces and THEIR blood boils, all hell has broken loose.

But it's really worse than that, Alexa, because the REASON you took up two spaces is not because you have to get a wheelchair out, or you have vision problems and are seeing double (in which case you shouldn't even BE driving) or even because you are bad at parking and are too lazy for a do over.


You took up two spaces so your NEW CAR doesn't get SCRATCHED.

How can I explain this, Alexa?

Jesus left His disciples with specific instructions before He made His way back to heaven. He told them to take no shoes, or money, or walking stick.

I can't think that He said "But do take a brand new car and take up two spaces when you park so it doesn't get scratched."

Here's what I think you should do, Alexa. Get out your keys. Go into the garage. Take you keys and scratch you car with them.

There. Now it's all over with.

Hope this helped.


Anonymous said...

Thank you Sister. For the record, I printed off your whole blog (must be at least 60 pages) and am reading it slowly. I haven't read the whole thing yet (obviously) but I like what I have read!
Except, of course, what I've read today...
The truth hurts!

Tim said...

Go take a key and scratch the car up!???

Hahahaha! Oh, that is precious!

I remember when I got a brand new Corvette back in '85. I used to park in two spaces too. It's really kind of arrogant.

Alexa, tell him to relax and just park like a normal person.

Christopher Clark said...

Try parking in the spot furthest away from the store where there will only be one side of the car in danger of scratches and dings.

Wimsey said...

Actually, I believe that there's a story in A Severe Mercy about this very thing - they got a new car and she went out and banged it up with a hammer so that she wouldn't be attached to her shiny new car!

seeking_something said...

Oh my. You do have a way of explaining things with clarity.

Eddie said...

I stumbled across your site a week or so ago and am enjoying it very much. I am not that religious, but you also preach Karma.
Keep up the work!

Michael Bains said...

Clergy are people who proclaim a religious belief and profer guidance on it to others.

Thusly, nuns are clergy.

It's an old subjective/perspective, akin to the one about referring to a single individual as "them" when the speaker doesn't know their gender. Only wanna-be Royalty and beauracrats get anal about such things.

Ain't no thang.

I love the key scratch advice! Whether or not to actually do it, considering the car's value relative to a pubic environment is being fully conscious. A rarity in most folk.

dutch said...

I think it depends...

Mother Superior, Reverend Mother Francis Louise, Reverend Mother, or Your Reverence.
Written address: The Reverend Mother Mary Martha, D.C.

maybe not a Sister Mary Martha, but the Reverend Mother Mary Martha, D.C.

Why that would make me think...


Sister Mary Martha said...

See you in Purgatory, Georgette.