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Life is tough. Nuns are tougher.

Monday, September 18, 2006

I didn't realize that the world would fall apart because I broke my toe. I haven't been able to keep up with my usual activities one of which, unbeknownst to me, was keeping parishoners from attacking each other with hammers.

The Ladies of Our Lady here at the parish hold a card party once a month on the Friday after First Friday, the second Friday, to cheer us all up after First Friday. There are two ladies, names withheld although no one is innocent except the Blessed Mother, who make refreshments. They take turns.

It seems they don't care for each other's refreshments and have been attempting to oust each other from refreshment duties forever. Since I wasn't there to get wind of the coup and stop it, which is a balancing act I've managed better than Carl Walenda since my arrival here years ago, a bloody refreshment massacre ensued. Feelings were hurt, parishes were left.

It looks like we'll be having ham from now on. The fight was about not always having ham. The Always Hams won. The head of Variety (not the Hollywood newspaper) took off for a nieghboring parish.

I am more sure than ever that the possibility of war in heaven is inevitable.


We can't get through this month's card party! I'm not sure how we expect to spend eternity together.

I mean, who do you think you're going to be in heaven WITH? (Please, forgive the Chicago grammar.)

At least in the Catholic church we have Purgatory to settle everyone's hash before they arrive in heaven. But if the separated brethen are going to heaven (iffy, but not impossible) they are going AS IS. That can't be good. If you can't get across town in your car without swearing at someone or through the grocery checkout without thinking evil thoughts about the person in front of you who has ten thousand coupons and is slowly writing out a check.... but you're 'saved'.... what's heaven going to be like?

Given the loving and forgiving nature of God, I expect heaven to be very crowded. I don't mean crowded like a Northern prison after the Civil War, I just mean heavily populated. I should have just said heavily populated.

How many times have you found yourself spotting someone you'd like to avoid, and then running behind anything you can run behind to avoid them? If there's someone you can't stand here, how are you going to behave in heaven? Is everyone going to stand around and correct each other's doctrinal errors for eternity? Are Boston fans and New York fans going to throw sodas at each other without end?

I'm all for the hope that everyone gets a little Purgatory time. Except martyrs. They seem to have gotten it right, at least one very important time.


Sister Mary Martha said...

Pass/Fail eternity is a little simplistic.

Unknown said...

Ham on Fridays?

I've recently heard, S'ter, that the old abstainance rule still is in effect, with a sub-clause now inserted that says that if you must eat meat on Friday, you have to replace it with an alternative penance, like fifteen or twenty decades of the Rosary (this must be a new sub-clause).

Sister Mary Martha said...

fapfs, I often get up to check to see if Sister Mary Fiacre is still breathing. Mostly we can hear her sleeping loud and clear. When the sound stops I feel obiliged to have a gander at her.

Sister Mary Martha said...

Yes, Ray, ham on Fridays. It makes the whole situation all the more ludicrous. Part of the arguement was about not dragging in hot casserole dishes full of macaroni and cheese and the worry of tuna sandwiches going south. Each side thought the other side was, and I quote, "stupid."

I told them about the Friday meat rule and no one believes me. You'd thing my outfit alone might convince them. Part of the Ham Only's arguement was that they also sell the sandwiches, which raises extra money and people can eat them whenever they want...like on Saturday or Sunday, which you can't do with macaroni and cheese or tuna.

I didn't press the point by having them google it, because most of them are too old to google anything and it looked like I was taking sides. Which I was. Ham on Fridays, indeed.

They do make a mean ham sandwich though. I took a couple home with me and we ate them on Saturday (or Sunday....NOW who's 'right'?).