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Life is tough. Nuns are tougher.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Katmir and the Seven Sleepers

For most people the weekend means running a few errands, sipping a latte and reading the Sunday paper.

For us nuns it means visiting the sick, getting the church ready for Mass, which because of everyone's busy schedules and laziness now also is held on Saturday AND Sunday (God asks for ONE day and what do YOu do? "I need to go on Saturday so I can read the paper and sip lattes on Sunday!"), grading papers, manning the soup kitchen, and scrubbing the cement steps of the convent and the church with a stiff wire brush.

People. The weekend is your golden opportunity to embrace the corporal works of mercy. Can you name them? There are seven, only one of which you might want to skip. That leaves the other six to occupy your time on Saturday and the seven spiritual works of mercy on Sunday.

The lives of the saints are, if nothing else, a history of selfless acts of piety, charity and aid to human misery. St. Bartholomew was skinned alive! You're whining because you're lactose intolerant!

It's your one day to sleep in? Too bad. You can sleep when you're dead. And consider the havoc too much sleep can bring.

Yesterday was the feast of the Seven Sleepers. (I would have talked about it yesterday, but my alarm didn't go off. Set my whole day back. Usually, Sister Mary Fiacre's snoring wakes me anyhow, but yesterday she was so quiet we thought she was finally dead. But God doesn't want her yet.)

Seven Christian boys in Ephesus (Mary's home town) were put on trial by the emperor Decius and sentenced to die. The boys gave their property to the poor and went into a cave to say their final prayers with their dog, Katmir. They prayed and fell asleep. Katmir, too. Meanwhile the soldiers of Decius tracked them down and walled up the cave. Eventually their story and their names were written on the wall. (Maybe not the dog's name.)

More than 200 years passed.

The Roman Empire became Christian. A cattle owner decided to use the cave for his herd and knocked down the wall. The boys, thinking they had only been asleep over night, couldn't believe how hungry they were (the dog, too) and sent Diomedes into town for bread for what they believed would be their last meal. (Remember they had been condemned 'the day before'.) He tried to pay for it with his ancient coin. This made everyone take notice. The bishop was called, the other boys were discovered and much rejoicing transpired.

Now here's the thing. They were really dead in there and rose again. We think. That's why everyone rejoiced, because at that time in history there was a big fat argument going on about the whole resurrection idea and this incident put the Ka bosh on that.

So after the party they all went ahead and died for good. Katmir, too.

The Seven Sleepers are mentioned along with their dog in the Koran. Katmir is mentioned as one of the nine animals in paradise. Which is how we know the Koran is wrong, since the only dog in heaven is St. Roch's dog, Licky.

The Seven Corporal Works of Mercy:
Give food to the hungry, drink to the thirsty, clothe the naked, shelter the homeless, visit the sick, visit the imprisoned and bury the dead. (on that last one....don't try this at home.)

The Seven Spiritual Works of Mercy:
Convert the sinner, instruct the ignorant, counsel the doubtful, comfort the sorrowful, bear wrongs patiently, forgive injuries, pray for the living and the dead.

No where in there is a mocha frappacino with soy.


Sister Mary Martha said...

Sister St. Aloysius says "Hi" to you, too! Sister Mary Fiacre started moving her jaw up and down but no sound came out. We can't make her stop. Maybe you could come back and say good-bye.

Kathi said...

sooo, what does it mean for me to gladly work every sunday so the rest of my co-workers can go to church or frolic about the beach? i think this fulfills all seven spirituals works of mercy! esp. since i work in retail...

Sister Mary Martha said...

It means you're going straight to hell, Kathryn. Sorry. Missing Mass is a mortal sin.

You must find a 6 AM Mass and get yourself there.

Or you could do the lazy thing and go to Saturday 5pm Mass

No one should be frolicing on the beach. That's a near occassion of sin.

Christopher Clark said...

The joke will be on you when all the supposed "sinners" worshipping on Saturday evening ascend during the rapture, while you and your Sunday worshipping sisters are heading down the long, winding road to Hell.

Any school child know that the first day of the week is Sunday and the seventh is Saturday. Did the Lord rest prior to creating the heavens and the earth. No, on the seventh day (Saturday) he rested.

A simple study of church history will reveal that the Emperor Constantine, some time around 300 AD, shortly after declaring all of his people Christians, changed the Sabbath Day from Saturday to Sunday.

Constantine was, of course, a pagan and used his power to ensure that thousands of years worth of supposed Christians would be worshipping his pagan sun god.

Of all the passages in the Bible, ony ten simple commandments were written by the Lord himself. Your "Holy Roman Chruch" in all of its gall, has ensured, by imposing it's Sunday law, that all of it's followers will suffer eternal, endless torment in Hell.

Sister Mary Martha said...

My goodness, Christopher. Judging is a sin. Didn't anyone ever tell you that?
So is hate. You need to dial it back a notch, poor dear.

Ask Jesus to help you. You have such a close relationship with His loving Self.

Oh! and don't take the Apocolyptic writings so literally. They decided that in the 4th century, too.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sister mary martha,

Hope you are well?

Judging isnt good so maybe Saturday rather than Sunday is better than nothing..

And, lets grab our mochas when we can (or tea or ...).

Lola said...

I printed this blog entry and posted the Doing a Humble on my Refrigerator.

And, one other thing is offer to babysit 3 eleven year olds (twins and a friend) and see if anyone cares what you have to say other than "Who wants a milkshake?". So the humble practice begins...

Thanks for the guidance! God Bless!

mph said...

Why would the Seven Sleepers be meantioned in the Koran, especially as being in paradise, if they were Christian? (I'm assuming it claims they went to paradise with their dog).

Anonymous said...

God had intended no dogs in paradise but changed his mind because of Katmir's faithfulness, so he is the ONLY dog in heaven.


Anonymous said...

Hello all,

I'm a Muslim and I'd like to explain that nothing in Koran mentions that the Dog will be in heaven and who said that the dog name was Katmir?

I suggest all of you to read the explanation first:

I really hate it when people lie about God.

hekates said...

Oh for pity's sake you.think the nun was lying when she was perhaps misinformed or remembered something?