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Life is tough. Nuns are tougher.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Teddy Goes to Heaven...NOT!

I have received a communication from someone about my last essay. An irate "customer"! The letter had a heading on it, "Mysterious Ways", so I thought to myself, "here we go...someone is going to complain how rotten God has been to them because they have to go through life with frizzy hair and large pores and how I couldn't possibly understandwhy they refuse to be grateful they are alive ."

But no. This young woman was irate because we tossed the mouse over the convent wall! * I even learned some new words. Vegan, for example.

She seemed to think we should have had more respect for the lost life of the little fellow and even given him a proper burial! She included a picture of the money she wasted that could have gone to the poor on her own dead pet's tombstones!

Well, she will be getting a letter from me let me tell you! And she will learn a few new words! Immortal will be one.

Why did we not bury the dead mouse and pray over him for a happy trip to heaven? Because he's not going. Ever. We tossed him over the convent wall and into the alley because he's just as good as gravel in his current state.

Human beings go to heaven (or hell, or languish in Purgartory til their souls are perfect enough for heaven...they used to go to Limbo, but limbo is closed). They can do that because they have an immortal soul. Animals including your beloved "Rags" and our beloved "Teddy" (the convent cat) go nowhere at all. Worm food.


I know it's upsetting for some of you. I know you'd like to think your beloved dead pet is waiting for you in heaven. Tough luck. He's not. He didn't have an immortal soul and so when he died he ceased to exist. Poof.

Get hold of yourself now and let's think this through. If your little "Rags" gets to go to heaven then every dead animal that ever walked the planet should get to go. It's only fair. Every hippo and porcupine, every snake and lizard, all the alligators that ever lived, each and every mouse and rat, badgers, all the dinosaurs and mastadons, every parakeet and vulture...are you getting the picture? Every one that ever lived.

What? They don't get to go because they didn't have a special dish with their name printed on it? Logic tells us that if your little "Rags" got to go then so did every other furry, slimy, multilegged, roaring, barking, hissing creature. All the bleeding heart animal lovers who insist that all the animals be spayed and neutered to prevent overpopulation: Welcome to heaven!

Stop sniveling! If you get to heaven you can ask St. Rock if you can play with his dog. St. Rock had a dog who cared for him when he was ill on earth . When he got the heaven he looked around for his dog and was informed that there are no dogs in heaven (or dinosaurs or porcupines or owls). When St. Rock refused to enter the powers that be in heaven caved and let in St. Rock's dog. St. Rock is the patron saint of dogs and dog lovers. Maybe...and this is a real leap...maybe if you live a saintly life they'll let you bring your dog.

*see "Mysterious Ways"


High Power Rocketry said...

: )

Sister Mary Martha said...

Alex, that is not a comment. That is a colon and the end of some parenthesis. A comment would involve some words forming a sentence. Obviously a product of the public school system.

Anonymous said...

"If your little "Rags" gets to go to heaven then every dead animal that ever walked the planet should get to go."
Why couldn't they?

Are we to assume that the dog that helped St Rock was granted an immortal soul and thus could enter heaven? If so why not all animals?

Anonymous said...

Dear Sister,
Thank you for this. I've had a couple of dearly beloved cats who've died (1 lived to be 18), and miss them very much. However, I realize that their lack of an immortaly soul precludes their presence in heaven. If I do get there, by God's grace, I'm guessing that the Presence of God will make up for missing Ginger and Tuck. They were lovely creatures, but animals, after all, and so when they died, as you correctly point out, that was it for them. I thank God every day, that in spite of my sins and failings, He still holds out the promise of eteral life in His Presence, infinitely more fulfilling than any pet or human!

Anonymous said...

To whoever wrote this,

May I just say this. You can burn in hell. How dare you write something like this. This is the most insensitive thing I've ever read. F*** You. Seriously.No soul? You know what. F*** You.My cat that I had for 11 years just died, and she was the best friend I've ever had. And you know what? She had a soul, just like every other living creature in this world, with the possible exception of you. How can you say that? Animals are possibly the only forms of life on this earth that show true unconditional love. They are ALWAYS there to hold, hug, love, not because they're mindless and know no better, but because they have a soul, just like humans. Heaven is not heaven without animals. So F*** you. You are a horrible person for saying animals cease to exist when they die, that they're just worm food. I just can't believe you can honestly think that way. And please, enlighten me to your way of thinking. Venom0906@aol.com. I'll be more than happy to hear why you feel this way, and to discover just wtf is wrong with you.


Anonymous said...

Hey. Just wanted to add...



Marla said...

Sister Mary, I am Catholic, and very proud of it. I believe with my whole heart that animals go to heaven. Animals have animal souls, and all God given souls are immortal. Animals are not capable of committing sin because they are not human and do not have free will. They act solely on instinct. I spoke to my parish priest and he told me that the Church teaches that animals do not have human souls (duh). He also told me that the Church does not address the issue of animals in heaven. If the Church does not address this issue, do you think you are smarter than the Church? Please stop your hateful and rude comments that are turning Jesus' sheep away from the Church. May God have mercy on your soul. I will pray for you.

Anonymous said...

Pope Paul VI " The animals are the smaller part of the Divine Creation but we will see again them in the Mystery of Chist".