Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Teddy Goes to Heaven...NOT!
I have received a communication from someone about my last essay. An irate "customer"! The letter had a heading on it, "Mysterious Ways", so I thought to myself, "here we go...someone is going to complain how rotten God has been to them because they have to go through life with frizzy hair and large pores and how I couldn't possibly understandwhy they refuse to be grateful they are alive ."
But no. This young woman was irate because we tossed the mouse over the convent wall! * I even learned some new words. Vegan, for example.
She seemed to think we should have had more respect for the lost life of the little fellow and even given him a proper burial! She included a picture of the money she wasted that could have gone to the poor on her own dead pet's tombstones!
Well, she will be getting a letter from me let me tell you! And she will learn a few new words! Immortal will be one.
Why did we not bury the dead mouse and pray over him for a happy trip to heaven? Because he's not going. Ever. We tossed him over the convent wall and into the alley because he's just as good as gravel in his current state.
Human beings go to heaven (or hell, or languish in Purgartory til their souls are perfect enough for heaven...they used to go to Limbo, but limbo is closed). They can do that because they have an immortal soul. Animals including your beloved "Rags" and our beloved "Teddy" (the convent cat) go nowhere at all. Worm food.
I know it's upsetting for some of you. I know you'd like to think your beloved dead pet is waiting for you in heaven. Tough luck. He's not. He didn't have an immortal soul and so when he died he ceased to exist. Poof.
Get hold of yourself now and let's think this through. If your little "Rags" gets to go to heaven then every dead animal that ever walked the planet should get to go. It's only fair. Every hippo and porcupine, every snake and lizard, all the alligators that ever lived, each and every mouse and rat, badgers, all the dinosaurs and mastadons, every parakeet and vulture...are you getting the picture? Every one that ever lived.
What? They don't get to go because they didn't have a special dish with their name printed on it? Logic tells us that if your little "Rags" got to go then so did every other furry, slimy, multilegged, roaring, barking, hissing creature. All the bleeding heart animal lovers who insist that all the animals be spayed and neutered to prevent overpopulation: Welcome to heaven!
Stop sniveling! If you get to heaven you can ask St. Rock if you can play with his dog. St. Rock had a dog who cared for him when he was ill on earth . When he got the heaven he looked around for his dog and was informed that there are no dogs in heaven (or dinosaurs or porcupines or owls). When St. Rock refused to enter the powers that be in heaven caved and let in St. Rock's dog. St. Rock is the patron saint of dogs and dog lovers. Maybe...and this is a real leap...maybe if you live a saintly life they'll let you bring your dog.
*see "Mysterious Ways"