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Life is tough. Nuns are tougher.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Opportunity Knocks

This evening Sister St. Aloysius and I ventured out to the grocery store to take advantage of the triple coupon shopping days. We have to eke by on my meager teaching salary because it's all we have between the three of us left at the convent. Sister Mary Fiacre thinks it's 1952 and Sister St. Aloysius has a nervous condition that prevents her from teaching. It's called, "I'm terrified of the children in this classroom syndrome" or ITCCS.

I didn't realize that going to the grocery store could be such a grand opportunity to free souls from purgatory.

You see, any time you offer up your own suffering toward the plight of the poor souls being tortured by the hour* in purgatory, you help them get out sooner. Matching the coupons to the items on sale, making sure the coupons weren't expired, and buying the correct number and brand of items had to be worth 50 souls, easy.

Having Sister St. Aloysuis bash me in the ankles with the cart when I least suspected it, even though she managed to do it five or six times, another 50. Not telling her I'd like to tape her veil around her like a mummy with duct tape...at least ten.

This was all compounded by the loud and inane music, an inescapable auditory onslaught of Barry Manilow, Burt Bricabrac, Girls from Eponema, Going Round in Circles, ABC's, and many other tuneless mosquitoes that make any normal person want to jab kebobs from the meat department in their ears. Of course, we can't afford kebobs from the meat department, so I had another opportunity to free souls. Thousands of souls.

We also gave a young man in the store a grand opportunity to make a pious sacrifice with our full cart, folder full of coupons and express registers closed for the day. I did hear him praying to Our Lord, I think. Bless him.

*one hour in purgatory=sixty years earth time

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