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Life is tough. Nuns are tougher.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Killer Baby Jesus

I was going to start on Mary's life story today but I've been sidetracked again, this time by one of our 'guests' here on the blog. (I really don't care for that word, blog. Besides the fact that it's made up, it really sounds like something my grandmother would make us eat.) "Christopher" has visited us a couple of times and it turns out he has a blog of his own. He mentioned that he had an "all religion" day on his blog and my curiosity got the better of me.

Low and behold! What do I see! A link to an article about some tiles in England depicting looney stories about the life of Jesus as a child! (I am as amazed that I know what a 'link' is and how to use it as I am to find these killer baby Jesus stories!)

At first I didn't want to say anything to any of you, lest you see it and be corrupted. But as I thought it over I decided you should have a gander at it so you can put these types of things out of your mind. "Christopher" has done us a service: http://top5daily.blogspot.com

Go have a look. I'll wait here.

Before anyone decides that since someone put it on a tile it MUST be true, let me tell you I know all about the killer baby Jesus stories. You don't have to rely on some tiles from the 14th century to read them. You can google "The Gospel of Thomas". (That's right, I said Google. Imagine the look on my face as I say this. Blog, link and google. What's the world coming to?)

The New Testament as we know it today was sealed in cement in the 4th century at the Council of Nicaea. We put in the four Gospels and the Acts of the Apostles. There was a really big argument about the Apocalypse stuff. A lot of people wanted to leave that out because they thought it would confuse people.

(Were THEY ever right! Why just yesterday I had to listen to stupid Paula Zahn ask with a straight face, "Is THIS Armageddon?" The answer is NO, Paula. .......Forgive me for calling you stupid. You're remarks are stupid. I don't even know you. Where was I?)

That stuff went in and everything else was out. A lot of other 'testaments' were around by then, 300 years after the fact. So many crazy stories and fake gospels were floating around we decided to put a lid on it. The Gospel of Thomas is the perfect example of what type of thing got thrown out and why.

See, in the Gospel of Thomas, little Jesus is God, but also a little boy and doesn't know how to use His 'powers' yet. (Superboy could handle his, but according to Thomas, Jesus Christ the Son of God was a train wreck.) For example, little Jesus is playing in a puddle when another child bumps into Him. Jesus strikes the child dead. The adults scream, "Jesus! Don't do that!" So Jesus, apparently begrudgingly, brings the child back to life. I say 'apparently' because as the child walks away Jesus throws a look over His shoulder and strikes the child lame!

This type of thing goes on all through Jesus' childhood to the point where the people in the town are begging the Holy Family, "Pllllleeeeeeease mooooooove........"

My favorite killer Jesus story is the last one. Some children are playing on a rooftop. Jesus is no where near them. One of the children falls off the roof and lands, splat, dead. Jesus, with His horrible rap sheet and His frightening MO, is blamed. So Jesus brings the child back to life, not because He is the loving Jesus, Son of God, but so the child can tell everyone that Jesus didn't do it.

Let's roll our eyes together, shall we?

On top of the fact that the stories are silly and outrageous, they were written more than a hundred years after Jesus (having died young) or the apostles walked the earth. So this whole mess was tossed.

But...the thing is....a lot of the story of Mary comes from these same gospels that were thrown out. The Mary stories have become what we call Sacred Tradition. When the church uses the word tradition with a capital "T" it means they want you to pay attention.

So yes, to the story of Mary, no to killer baby Jesus.

As for "Christopher" the jury is out. He does seem to question "the rapture", and that's a very good thing.


Christopher Clark said...

Thanks for posting the link, but I wonder why you keep putting my name in quotation marks. It makes me feel like you are doubting my identity. I assure you, if I were going to make up a fake name for myself, it wouldn't be Christopher. I think it might be Rudy.

Sister Mary Martha said...

As we have not been formally introduced, you could be the Count of Monte Cristo for all I know.

Like Jesus, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

But I wouldn't go with Rudy. Pick a nice saint's name for your alias.

Anonymous said...

Doesn't blog mean "blessed" in Russian? As in Благодати or благословенна.

Pauli said...

I never did cocaine, but there's no way it could be as good as reading this blog.